Apotheosis

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I'd like to kick this thing off with a little disclaimer
Beats this hard make the others look lamer
So before you box me in with the other no-namers
Just know I'll bust the top off of every container

I been talking the flex
Since Lil Nas got his X
No pill popping or sex
I'm here to rock, nothing less
I'm at the top of the crest
I will not stop, never rest
If you ain't bought in, invest
I'm beyond Carter, the best

I know the cost when I'm locked in
Accosting a boss with
A posse of top tens
I'm hotter than Austin
Hip hopper like Hopsin
Stuck in your noodle
That's Maruchan Top Ramen
I'm all in

I got you redder than roses
Yo I'm dropping explosives
And I noticed this flow sticks up in your psychosis
I post this, in moments it's vogue, it's in focus
This opus is Apotheosis (Let's go kids!)

If I'm 'bout to be deified
I'll give you the peace of mind
Rap is getting redefined
I'll change the world, that's isekai
I supply the reason rhymes
Heathens neither read nor write
They're hungry tryna eat a bite
They need some wine or piece of pie
Sink or fly, seek the sky
He's the kind to free your mind
Read a line, he's divine
Brendan's getting deified let's go

I'm known for saying words loudly, proudly
And rappers listen to them devoutly
Haters wanna come 'round me
Saying they ain't about me
Then they hear me announce
And integrate just like Cauchy
I'm mousy and bouncy
And pouncing on lousy
Lil' grouchies who're drowsy
And they wanna renounce me
Discount me, denounce me
Turn me in for a bounty
To tout me, but now see
Ain't nobody can trounce me, uh

It's nice to know I'll be immortalized
Quite unlike before when I would see the world through mortal eyes
I won't lie, I still cry
Blue on the regular: Mordecai
Don't deny, no surprise
This game is harsh like Lord of Flies
Poltergeist, on the mic
I might make them roll their eyes
Open wide, no disguise
I'm known for prose as cold as ice

When you say I ain't as hard as rocks needing Narcan
Makes me wanna pop the top off the pop can
When I mix the tom and saw like a con man
I let the beat swing through your brain like it's Tarzan
See the critics talking their hate, hit the alt+tab
Sick of rappers acting irate, call that all gab
Aw snap, gonna get down cuz you're an old fad?
So sad, these younger rappers just got the gonads
Go mad, need to evolve just like a lotad
You'll go bad, now hit the road just like a nomad

My flow's rad
I give foes the toe tag
Never blow back
I'm Borat with no dad
Make a bro glad, I'm a dose of Prozac
And it's known fact: I'm a pro with the vocab

People like to interview
Asking if I study the dictionary just to get a clue
Nah dude
I just paid attention back in middle school

I did a cool 180 from the ridicule
Now I'm at the pinnacle
Laughing at the pitiful
Lapping in the kiddie pool
Acting really cynical
Acting inhospitable
To others on the pedestal
My topics are pivotal
My content is seminal
Several critics tell me that my stuff is preferable

I get the emeralds, diamonds, and jewels
Sing with angels and hit new angles
I don't tie, grr, no, I never bengal
I never bungle, I get the hottest singles
Your rhymes are mangled
I'm a star, I'm spangled
Kick your kankles
And get the bankrolls (Dang, bro!)

Guess I'll be rapping for eternity
You're burning me?
You're burdened with learning
Yes that's a certainty
I cut it up like surgery
You're copycats, you're perjury
I murder any burglary
I don't let up the fervency
I do it all concurrently
I do not need the currency
I keep flowing like turpentine
And twist around you serpentine
I spit divine emergencies
And get you hype as Circletine

Every now and then
I get a little down again
Accounting for the mounting sense
Of drowning existential dread
I'm pouting to my friends again
The pounding in my head has been
A clouding and a shrouding presence
Lingering and festering
I'm wrestling my head again
I'm pestering my best of friends
They're lessening the pestilence
But sickness is the best defense
Against the questions questing
To malinger my whole mental sense
Of imminence when evidence
Suggests that I'm not heaven-sent

I'm just a gent who thinks too highly of himself
Put me high up on the shelf
But I'll still die like all the else
Wish I were high like all the elves
Living high among the elms
Never dying, never crying
Just abiding in our realms

That's why I've been writing hymns
So I can fight the spins
That I get when my body's lacking vital vitamins
And it reminds me that my timely time is coming in
And my demise will be the final time
That I can wisely grin
So I surmise that writing rhymes will help me try to live again
Up in the minds of all my friends
And in websites where I get clicks

But I'm convinced that it's a blitz
And I'm a blip against reality
A blink against a galaxy
That'll sink in its own gravity
And casually collapse when it relapses to its malady
We lack the basic tapestry
We snap to break our apathy
We sag into calamity
We're dragged into the cavity
We sink beyond the brink
As we encapsulate catastrophe

I think of this whole fallacy and wonder why I linger
How can I fight the endless night when I can't lift a finger?
Why should I try to never die and write another single
When we're on a dinky planet and our star'll never mingle?
When I crinkle up another sheet, my nose'll start to wrinkle
I'll chip my way out of the salt; I'll break out of the Pringle
If I can sprinkle joy into a life that isn't fickle
If I've got a gift then I should share it
Call me Kris Kringle

So before we wrap it up like a spring roll
Let's raise the shingles
And get spritely like Tingle
Try to fight off the sink holes
Tryna bite all our end goals
Our ankles
Before doubt gets us all tangled

So bring out the bangles, yo
I'm ready to dance
Ready to ascend past anyone speaking in chants
I'm not entranced
There's not a chance
I'm leaving the past
Ready to live with the immortals
No one saying I can't

Ready to live with demigods
Apathy and Achilles
I'm half king half god
Like I'm Queen Nefertiti
Float along on every song
Powered by Archimedes
And I'm born to be a star
Like I'm up in the Pliedes

So I entreaty the deities
To get my name out on CDs
And as I'm pleading for fealty
They tell me that I'm too greedy
I'm mediocre at best
Clearly over-obsessed
No need to over-invest
In someone over the crest
I need to grow to be blessed
So get to going, no guest
Of the Gods will be caught napping
No time to rest
But here, we'll throw in some stress
Add a little duress
Cuz a test is always best
For those who seek to impress

Let me confess
When I stress I depress all the rest
Cuz I wrest success from the pissed and the pests
I express verbal excess, speaking with my chest
And unless up next is a nest of insects
I'm the buzz bringer
Buzzer beater
Busting up the set

So how you gonna put me down?
How you gonna put me out?
They looked down and said
"Heh, I guess you'll find out"

So the gods cast me back down to the planet
Feeling manic but don't panic cuz there's no point being frantic
Almost had it, thought I had the rap enchantment in my talons
But it vanished, perished on the transatlantic like titanic
Now I feel the static buzzing in my head under the cowlick
Feel erratic and emphatic as Illmatic with the antic
But I know my talent cannot shatter underneath the mallet
So I get semantic, chatter out an oath like Hippocratic

"I vow to be the best that I can be
To make the most of the choices that my parents gave me
To do my part, contribute back to society
And try to see if I can be the one they're granting piety"
And finally, with these words written in the Aether
I stood up to start, got no time to take a breather
I pushed open my door and I looked out at the sunrise
I surmise that it's time, I'mma need some allies

So I reached out to my friends and my kin
To the ones I know who've written rhymes time and again
But to my chagrin, looked at me and they turned they chin
Told me: "You'll never win
Brendan, you're not musical, you're STEM"

But my brother said: "Man, I dunno, I think you got it
We've been rapping since R.E.M, Smith, and the Chronic
You've been making up songs since you were still in bonnets
Writing sonnets, in the gauntlet since Wallace & Grommet"
So I extended my calling, but he's shaking his mullet
Said: "Sorry dawg, I'm not the one to take on that bullet
I'm remiss not to mull it over, push it or pull it
But I'm not the one to make raps out of my gullet"
So I remit, retreat
But don't admit defeat
He didn't say I couldn't do it
Just that he wouldn't be my feat
Now I gotta move my feet
If I'm gonna do this feat
So I sit down in my seat
And I grab a blank sheet
Uh

Months pass and I'm writing and writing
I'm trying & trying and finding that
It's fine when I'm reciting
But what's less exciting is: I'm writing without a beat
I'm in my seat freestyling to a song on repeat
I'm inviting all my friends to shoot their shot on roadtrips
But their rogue lips are so blitzed
I've lost my focus
I'm not even hopeless, cuz the goal's been so eclipsed
Of Helios there's no glimpse, just notes on Post-Its
What's happened to Apotheosis? Where has it gone?
I'm in the desert roaming aimlessly like a vagabond
Yo I need a prognosis, I need to respawn
'Til I stumble 'long and meet this lonesome dude named John

(What up, I'm John)
"Join me," he said, "and trek up to the summit
I've heard that there's a sight to see if you can get above it
I've heard you freestyling and I've done some myself
Let's share freely our writings as we try not to plummet"

The path was slick and icy, soon the sky turned dark
But we were both feeling hyphy from the hip-hop spark
So we didn't balk, finished out what we had embarked
And on the mark, reached the peak, put our feet in park

The summit was an amphitheater, a cathedral of gold
At the end, a regal portal of a delicate mold
Feeling cold, we both harked when a red light shone
On high from the heavens and our fate was foretold

Who heeds the call of the hook?
Oh the fish that gets its wish is often cooked
Oh one will take the bait, the other will taste the brook
If you pick the brittle bone then take a second look, oh

Young rappers, you've much to see
But your skills can surely blossom like a mustard seed
So come with me, I've got someone you must defeat
You'll find your trustee in custody

We bustled through the portal, both buzzing bees
High as can be, hustling through the rustle of leaves
When suddenly, from the trees, a muscular fiend
As the dust recedes, standing so huskily
He said "lucky me, welcome to Tuscany"
A bag slipped over my head and he bludgeoned me

When I awoke, choked a gasp from my raspy throat
Heard a rusty note, looked askance at the massive bloke
Caught a backstroke to the chin, not a glancing blow
With a dastardly grin, he said he had to know

"We caught these two measly little antelopes
Galavanting through our woods, through the lands we own
As sure as the stars shine from Casseiop'
We don't stand for no chicanery inside our rope"
"So we'll have to shake you up like a can of coke"
He said, looking a little bit maniacal
I was sure he'd turn me into a casserole
When he pulled out what was surely my ransom note
"You're a handsome bloke, we'll send you back nice and new
But we got a little test that we like to do
It's tried & true, never fails to guide us through
So if I were you, I'd listen to our pirate's crew"

"Your friend was taken off to the aye... CU
And if you don't play our way, you'll see the high seas, too
So unless you wanna face that icy blue
I might suggest you stay, don't try to move"

I swallowed all of this like some spicy food
He solemnly unfolded and my eyes were glued
Maybe if he kills me now, I'll rise anew
He looked down at the sheet, inscribed in runes

"We'll test your mettle with a little rap battle
Brew a kettle with your spittle if you try to back-paddle
We got several little riddles written in our native prattle
And if that'll feed you kibble, you'll get back up in the saddle
But if you diddle-daddle
Or if you tittle-tattle
We'll gift you to Quezalcoatl
Sure as feeding kitties cattle
So you'd better pitter patter
'Nuff of all this chitter chatter
Stutter and you'll get dismantled
It don't matter if you're rattled little chattel
Let's do battle!"

I had to blink back my surprise
I didn't think that speaking raps might keep me alive
He leaned his seat back sheet tapping onto his thighs
I gave a weak laugh, said "yeah, I'll play with you guys"
"Now lemme recap: I'll give you some feedback
And if I can speak fast, you promise to retract
You and all your sea-lads, have you saying 'egads'
We won't need a rematch, hope you brought your kneepads
Cuz I'll have you kneeling to me"
He said "we'll see, we will see"
"We roam from sea to the sea
Crushing weak EMCs"
They stood me out of my seat
They dressed me reasonably
They led me out to the beach
And we proceeded to freak

I fought the crew midnight to noon
For several fortnights these pirates dueled
As the fire was fueled, onlookers admired our feud
As the fight subdued, decided to retire our 'tude
Said: "it's a tribal way we move
And we're hiring some dudes
We've no rivalry with you
If you wanna join our crew"
And yes I awed the limeys' rhymies so I joined the swabbies
And as I honed my hobby
They became my kemosabes

We had many tales out on those backwaters
Met a DJ in a wild pack of jaguars
Met an artist wrestling golems & driving fast cars
And a videographer emerged from a fireball

After all, we went back to the pirates' cove
As luck would have it, met Athena out on the road
I told her of the trails & rivers that I had roamed
The battles that I'd prevailed, the dreams that I had sowed
She said that she had known, I went bravely and with wisdom
And that I'd have her blessing when next I saw her kingdom
It was time to head home, I knew that I had missed 'em
So I waved my crew along, watched 'em sail away distant

When I stepped down off of my quinjet
I saw my whole family, the complete quintet
After we caught up, my brother looked at me with intent
Said "man, I think that it's time for your kismet
You've been through the desert
You've wandered like Moses
I think now it's time for your apotheosis"
He took me to the altar, he pointed to the sky
He said: "Do not falter, bring your music on high"
I hiked up to the peak, in front of the pantheon
I told them of my trek, a stumbling vagabond
I told them of the pirates and sailing to Avalon
Said: "I've one more song to share and then I can be gone"

I said: "I took it on, I took up the onus
I wrote for days long, composing this opus
The one song I need to get higher than the POTUS
I present it now before you, my song..."