Things I've Found on the Internet

One, two, three
When I was just a little kid, probably ten or so
I logged onto the internet and boy was that a show
Because no matter where I'd turn, I'd learn a new turn of phrase
And so I've written this song for you to learn at any age

And might I add that the internet isn't for everyone
But for those of you who know these things, you may just have some fun
So get your kids settled down and show them these new things
Show them the type of drama that these old websites bring

Websites like

A man in a jar, some girl and some poop
An Indian dude meets a train
The Columbine shooting, the women abusing, the splattering of their brains

Now these places are called shock sites and they usually work the same
You send it to a friend of yours and you watch them sit in shame
Whether it's gore, or vore, or the man next door, skinny dipping outside
Scaring the shit out of your friends used to be a thing of pride

Now the goriest sites are the famous ones, the ones where people die
But I've seen too many of those before, and now I'm desensitized
I've seen so many bodies and internal anemone
I could be a doctor without needing a PhD

Bodies where

They've been stabbed and crushed and broken their necks
Set on fire from a car crash
Suicide attempts, blue waffles in pants and infections they thought were rash
Now it would be a miss of me to not mention the dark web

Which has been taken over by criminals even though it was made by feds
So grab an onion browser and dive right on inside
And we'll list off some of the things online that you can now buy
Now of course there is the basic stuff, by basic I mean drugs

They sell all kinds of stuff out there from different kinds of plugs
From crack cocaine to crocodile, from heroin to weed
They sell everything possible that any junkie could need
Lastly there's some bombs and guns, a hitman or two
Plenty of gory red rooms to view
Hackers to choose, and kids to abuse
And uranium just for you
Now I guess this tour is over and it's time to say goodbye

I hope you'll all come back again to visit me sometime
And the next time you are online I hope you'll think of me
And eventually you'll learn this song and sing along with me

And we'll sing

A man in a jar, some girls and some poop
An Indian dude meets a train
The Columbine shooting, the women abusing
The splattering of their brains

The Columbine shooting, the women abusing
The splattering of their brains.