King of Suede

There's a sale on our gabardine suits today
They're all thirty percent off from yesterday
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool, and tweed
Just a Visa or Mastercard is all you need

We got every color, we got ev'ry shade
We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade
We got every fabric that was ever made
But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede

We got portly and regular and extra-long
(Is my size up there?)
We got tailors to fix it if it comes out wrong
(Is my size up there?)
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick
(Is my size up there?)
With the collars ripped off, like in that Flashdance flick
(Is my size up there?)

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid
You can buy off the rack or have it custom-made
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom
(Is my size up there?)
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan
(Is my size up there?)
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too
(Is my size up there?)
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you
(Is my size up there?)

Well, I never made it past the second grade
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede

There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes
King of Suede

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale
(Is my size up there?)
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail
(Is my size up there?)
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today
It's the same old sale as yesterday

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade
I got tough competition, but I'm not afraid
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede

King of Suede
King of Suede
King of Suede
I'll always be King of Suede
I'll always be King of Suede