First Announcements
(Carlin:)
Say, why not become a schmuck? A licensed, practicing schmuck. Or, if you qualify, a CPS. That's right. A certified public schmuck. Y'know, it may not seem like it when you look around, but there is a shortage of schmucks in today's society. And there's big money in schmuckdom. The average schmuck today earns over thirty-four thousand dollars a year. And there are openings for schmucks in virtually every field. The government is run by schmucks. Big business is run by schmucks. And more and more, people are becoming schmucks on their own. Y'know, some guys can only manage to be schmucks on New Year's Eve, but here's your opportunity to become a full time, year round schmuck. Give us a call. Don't be a schmuck! Be a schmuck!
Here are some notes of community interest. The Elderly Dyke's Home is sponsoring their annual 'Tits For Tots' campaign. Tonight they will be presenting a slideshow entitled "The Great Cabbage Fart Panic of 1860".
St. Anthony's home for the Occasionally Coherent is holding a staring contest tonight with the proceeds to benefit the Dead People's Olympics.
(Carlin as noisy salesman:)
Dempsey's Department Store is offering a complete line of cheap crap you don't need at extremely high prices. Come in today and be treated rudely by our poorly trained clerks. Remember, at Dempsey's, we're not just talking about inflation, we're doing something about it! We're raising our prices!
(ping-pong game sounds)
Say, why not become a schmuck? A licensed, practicing schmuck. Or, if you qualify, a CPS. That's right. A certified public schmuck. Y'know, it may not seem like it when you look around, but there is a shortage of schmucks in today's society. And there's big money in schmuckdom. The average schmuck today earns over thirty-four thousand dollars a year. And there are openings for schmucks in virtually every field. The government is run by schmucks. Big business is run by schmucks. And more and more, people are becoming schmucks on their own. Y'know, some guys can only manage to be schmucks on New Year's Eve, but here's your opportunity to become a full time, year round schmuck. Give us a call. Don't be a schmuck! Be a schmuck!
Here are some notes of community interest. The Elderly Dyke's Home is sponsoring their annual 'Tits For Tots' campaign. Tonight they will be presenting a slideshow entitled "The Great Cabbage Fart Panic of 1860".
St. Anthony's home for the Occasionally Coherent is holding a staring contest tonight with the proceeds to benefit the Dead People's Olympics.
(Carlin as noisy salesman:)
Dempsey's Department Store is offering a complete line of cheap crap you don't need at extremely high prices. Come in today and be treated rudely by our poorly trained clerks. Remember, at Dempsey's, we're not just talking about inflation, we're doing something about it! We're raising our prices!
(ping-pong game sounds)
Credits
Writer(s): George Carlin
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com
Link
Other Album Tracks
Altri album
- Hippy Dippy Weatherman (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, December 24, 1967)
- Camp Counselor (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, May 10, 1970)
- Daytime Television (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, March 19, 1967)
- News Report (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, January 29, 1967)
- The News (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, May 18, 1969)
- Television (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, February 8, 1970)
- Going To The Movies (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, October 1, 1967)
- Big City Crime (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, October 27, 1968)
- Election Year (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, April 28, 1968)
- Eyes, Hair, Ali, Vietnam, The Weather (Live On The Ed Sullivan Show, February 28, 1971)
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