The Warthog (The Hog Beneath the Skin)

The jungle was giving a party
A post-hibernation ball
The ballroom was crowded
With waltzing gazelles,
Gorillas and zebras and all.

But who is that animal almost in tears
Pretending to powder her nose?
A poor little Warthog who sits by herself
In a pink satin dress with blue bows.
Again she is nobody's choice
And she sings in a sad little voice:

'No one ever wants to court a Warthog
Though a Warthog does her best
I've spent a lot of money for a Warthog
I am kiss-proofed and prettily dressed
I've lustre-rinsed my hair
Dabbed perfume here and there
My gums were tinted when I brushed my teeth
I'm young and in my prime
But a wallflower all the time
'Cause I'm a Warthog
Just a Warthog
I'm a Warthog underneath.'

Take your partners for a ladies Excuse-me!

Excited and radiant she runs on the floor
To join the furore and fuss.
She taps on each shoulder and says 'Excuse me!'
And each couple replies 'Excuse us!'
Then having no manners at all
They sing as they dance round the hall:

'No one ever wants to court a Warthog
Though a Warthog does her best
Her accessories are dazzling for a Warthog
She is perfumed and daringly dressed
We know her 'these and those' are like Marilyn Monroe's
Her gown is just a scintillating sheath
But she somehow fails to please
'Cause everybody sees she's a Warthog
Just a Warthog
She's a Warthog underneath'.

Head hanging she wanders away from the floor
This Warthog whom nobody loves
Then stops in amazement
For there at the door
Stands a gentleman Warthog impeccably dressed
In the act of removing his gloves.
His fine chiseled face seems to frown
As he looks her first up and then down:

'I fancy you must be a sort of Warthog
Though for a Warthog you look a mess
That make-up's far too heavy for a Warthog
You could have chosen a more suitable dress
Did you have to dye your hair?
If that's perfume give me air!
I strongly disapprove of scarlet teeth
But let us take the floor
'Cause I'm absolutely sure
That you're a Warthog
Just a Warthog
The sweetest little,
Neatest little
Dearest and completest little
Warthog ... underneath'.