Lose One Friend

Watching your muscles ache from the stress in your back
Waiting for bones to break from the weight of what you lack
I would spend all my time helping you find truth
And it really cuts like a knife knowing I can't save you
Cause saying goodbye hurts the worst when you know it's the final word
It comes across like a curse and I can't believe you said it first

So now the final word on the final page
Of the final chapter of this narrative we made
Is my weak conscious whispering words through my mouth
The very words that I prayed would never come out

I kept clinging onto the past and hoped the future would be the same
Cause we would cry and laugh knowing the past would not remain
And I would argue with God, every night I would lie awake
And lie to myself, hoping all of this was fake
Cause I got a new perspective on general anaesthetics

When you finally went to see Jesus
And all your family learned how to believe in a void
Cause that's all they could see in us
Cigarette smoke and broken words
My heart became the platform for everything they hated the most
And I stayed clear of the lack, hoping somebody would come by and cut this rope
Your apartment got so empty when you moved to that city with the streets of gold
And now I know what you meant when you said that this room can grow so terribly cold
And I wrestled with the idea of taking your place
But now I know that if anybody deserves a break from this world of pain
It's you, it's not me
And I'm still asleep

It's not about being there for me
It's about respecting me enough to tell me why you're not
So I'll just slip back into my sleep
Cause there's a demon in my casket and I think that we've fallen in love
And most nights, I wish it was you