War Is a Science

War is a science
Which a general must use
With stratagems and strategies
Statistical analyses
To know how many soldiers
He's prepared to lose

Now, gentlemen!
This is the plan for tomorrow's skirmish

The army of the enemy
Is stationed on the hill
So, we've got to draw them down here
Where they're easier to kill
So, you in the ravine
That's the area in green
Will move across the plain
Where you plainly can be seen
Then the enemy in blue
Will undoubtedly pursue
And we'll hope to keep your loses
To comparatively few!

And then!
(And then!)
And gentlemen, and then!

And then the men go marching
Out into the fray
Conquering the enemy
And carrying the day
Hark, the blood is pounding in our ears
Jubilations!
We can hear a grateful nation's cheer-

Pippin!
Sit down immediately!
Now, where was I?
Ah, yes!

A general accepts
That war is hell or even worse
He must never be too cautious
Or casualty adverse
I'm certain the majority
Of blood that you will spatter
Will be theirs, with just a minimum
Of damage that's collateral
But winner for success
We must always pay a price
That's why for my success
You must sacrifice

And then!
(And then!)
And gentlemen, and then!

And then! The men go marching
Out into the fray
Conquering (Pippin!)
The enemy...
Sorry, father

Well, now time is short
I'll have to speed the whole damn thing up!

Listen to me, men
As I endeavor to explain
What separates a charlatan
From a Charlemagne
A ruling of the generals
Illustrious and various
Though pompous as a Pompey
Or daring as a Darius, ha!
A little rule that every leader
Knows by heart
It's smarter to be lucky
Than it's lucky to be smart

And then!
(And then!)
And gentlemen, and then!

Now, Pippin!
Now!

(And then the men go)
(Marching out into the fray)
(Conquering the enemy)
(And carrying the day, ha-ha!)
(The depth of blood is pounding in our ears)
Jubilations!
We can hear a grateful nation's

Cheers!