Joseph Smith American Moses

AFRICAN WOMAN
And now we wish to honor you with the story of Joseph Smith, the American Moses

MORMON LEADER
Well this is very good; praise Christ

Moooormon

AFRICAN WOMAN
I'm going to take you back in time (Mormon)
To the United States, 1823 (Mormon)
A small and odd village called Upstate New York (Upstate)
There was disease and famine (so sick)
But also in this village lived a simple farmer who would change everything
His name... was Joseph Smith

Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya Joseph Smith, American Moses
Praise be to Joseph, American prophet man

JOSEPH SMITH (AFRICAN MAN)
Aye my name is Joseph Smith and I am going to fuck this baby

MORMON LEADER
What!?

No no Joseph, don't fuck the baby.
Joseph Smith, don't fuck the baby.

AFRICAN WOMAN
Suddenly the clouds parted and Joseph Smith was visited by God

GOD (AFRICAN MAN)
Joseph Smith, do not fuck a baby
I will get rid of your AIDS, if you fuck this frog.

Hiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiya

AFRICAN WOMAN
Joseph Smith fucked the frog God gave him and his AIDS went away.
Then a great wizard named Moroni came down from the Starship Enterprise

MORONI (AFRICAN MAN)
Joseph Smith, your village is shit.
You shall lead the villagers to a new village
Take these fucking golden plates

Awaaaaay

AFRICAN WOMAN
And on the plates were written the directions to a new land.
Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
Joseph tried to convince all the villagers to follow him and his golden plates

JOSEPH SMITH (AFRICAN MAN)
Liberation, equality, no more slavery for Upstate Mormon people
I got de golden plates (gold plates)
I'm gonna lead the people (we head West)
We gotta stick together (Mormons)
We gotta help each other (we're Mormons)
And so we climb the mountain (we head West)
And we cross the river (we head West)
And we fight the oppression (Mormons)
By being nice to everyone (we are Mormons)

BRIGHAM YOUNG (AFRICAN MAN)
Not so fast Mormons, you shall not pass my mountain

Down from the mountain look who comes the American warlord Brigham Young

BRIGHAM YOUNG (AFRICAN MAN)
Yeeeeeeeeees. I am Brigham Young
I cut off my daughter's clitoris
That made God angry so he turned my nose into a clit for punishment

Brigham Young, his nose was a clitoris
What will you do Joseph, will you fight the clitoris man

JOSEPH SMITH (AFRICAN MAN)
Not fight him, help him

Ooooooohhhh

AFRICAN WOMAN
Joseph Smith took his magical fuck frog
And rubbed it upon Brigham Young's clit face
And behold Brigham was cuuuuuuured

Joseph Smith magical AIDS frog
Brigham Young, frog on his clit face

AFRICAN WOMAN
Brigham Young was so grateful, he decided to join the Mormons on their journey

JOSEPH SMITH (AFRICAN MAN)
Compassion, courtesy, let's be really fucking polite to everyone
I got de golden plates (gold plates)
I'm gonna lead the people (we head West)
We gotta stick together (Mormons)

AFRICAN WOMAN
Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad
(Ooooooh)
After traveling for SO long, the Mormons ran out of fresh water
And become sick... with dysentery

Water go to the water, water go to the cup
Cup go to the stomach, shit come out the butt
Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
Shit go down the stomach, shit come out the butt

JOSEPH SMITH (AFRICAN MAN)
Uuughh Oh Fuck!

AFRICAN WOMAN
Oh no, the prophet Joseph Smith is now getting sick

Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
Cup go to the intestine, shit go to the stomach
Blood come out the butt, blood go in the water
Water go in the cup, cup go to the tongue
Shit blood in the stomach, shit blood in the mouth
Shit blood on the insides, water come out the butt

JOSEPH SMITH (AFRICAN MAN)
Brigham Young you must take the golden plates and lead the Mormons to the Promised Land
Plllllggghh
Desperation, mortality, loss of faith
Iiiiiiiiiiiii got de golden plates (gold plates)
I'm got to lead the people (we head West)
We gotta stick together...

AFRICAN WOMAN
Even though their prophet had died, the Mormons stuck together
And helped each other and were really nice to everyone they came across
And then one day the Mormons finally found
Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)
And there, the Mormons danced with Ewoks and were greeted by Jesus

JESUS (AFRICAN MAN)
Welcome Mormons!
Now, let's all have as many babies as we can
And make big Mormon families

Fuck your woman, fuck your man, this is all part of God's plan
Mormons fuck all that they can
We're in Salt Lake City land
Thank you, thank you but now we are fucking
Thank you, thank you, but God wants us fucking
Thank you, thank you, but get back to fucking
Thank you, thank you, God

Joseph Smith fuck frog
Brigham Young clit face
Shit come out the butt
Jesus says fuck, fuck
Mormons!