Everything Comes Down To Poo - Original Version

Hey Miss Miller
We just need a stool sample
Why do you need a stool sample
if you think I'm just a nut?
Cause the answer's not in your head my dear
it's in your butt
you see
everything comes down to poo
from the top of your head
to the sole of your shoe
we can figure out what's wrong with you by
lookin' at your poo, Turk!
Do you have a hemorrhoid
or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down you
flush away the answer
It doesn't really matter
if it's hard or if it's loose
we'll figure out what's ailing you
as long as it's a deuce! Yes!
Everything comes down to poo (everything comes down to poo)
Cardiovascular and lymphatic
yes the nervous system too!
All across the nation
we trust in defecation
everything comes down to poo
If you want to know what's wrong
don't sit and act so cool
just be a man, and eat some bran
and drop the kids off at the pool
My stomach hurts!
Check the poo
I sprained my ankle
check the poo
I was shot!
check the poo
A homeless guy threw poo in my eye!
Check the poo
mine or his?
First him, then you!
It may sound gross
you may say "shush!"
but we need to see what
comes out of your tush!
Because, everything comes down to poo
whether it's a tumor or a touch of the flu
please won't you pinch us off a big fat clue
our number one test is your number two
If there's no breeze light a match please
everything comes down to
doo-doo doo-doo
doo-doo doo-doo
everything comes down to poo!
END