Pirelli's Miracle Elixir

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, puh-lease?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow was covered with hair
What ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen!
From now on you can waken at ease
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare

Gentlemen, you are about to see something what rose from the dead
On the top of my head!

T'was Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
That's what did the trick, sir
True, sir, true
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir
Just like an elixir ought to do!

'Ow about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed

Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir
'Tis unique
Rub a minute
Stimulatin' innit?
Soon you'll have to thin it once a week!

Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench? (Are we standing near an open trench?)
Must be standing near an open trench! (Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench?)

Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
Anything what's slick, sir
Soon sprouts curls
Try Pirelli's!
When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir, of the girls!

Wanna buy a bottle, missus?
What is this? (What is this?)
Smells like piss (smells like, eww)
Looks like piss (wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear)
This is piss, piss with ink

Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir
Keep it off your boots, sir
Eats right through
Yes, get Pirelli's, use a bottle of it!
Ladies seem to love it
Flies do, too!