Comic Relief - Live

Oh God, Oh God, life is real life
is when you wanna sing Polly-Wally-Doodle all the day,
Well you know, I may well be a sequel to Jaws,
in which a shark is attacked by a great white woman,
Actually I'm not going to do the sequel to Jaws at all,
I'm making the sequel to 'Emanuelle',
I call it 'Temple Emanuelle'. Actually it's not dirty at all,
it's just a lot of kissing and mezzuzas.
And er, one singular sub-plot,
in which a woman who has an un-natural relationship with a Kreplach.
I know there must be one or two of you out there,
who haven't got the vaguest idea what the hell is a Kreplach,
and to both of you I say...
A Kreplach is a person from Kreplachia,
which is a very small fishing nation wedged between Estonia and Latvia,
You don't hear from them too much since the iron curtain fell!
But every now and again, one or two Kreplach's manage to escape...
But NEVER to Cleveland!

(Audience Member:) YES!
(Audeince Member:) Not True!

What!?
There we have one Kreplach.
Who one Kreplach that managed to get to Cleveland!
In fact, I venture to say that was the Kreplach that ate Cleveland!
(Audience Member:) Are you sure!?
No, Belle Barth used to say:
'Shut your hole honey, mines making money!'
(Audience Member:) OH!
Ooh, she didn't say that!
I never said that,
I didn't say that,
I never said that!

Oh did you hear the news!?
You haven't heard the news,
I must tell you the news,
I am the harbinger of news here.

I slept with Jack kennedy
(Bette Laughs)
You wanna know what else!?
They slept with Jack Kennedy!
(Points to the Harlette's)
Talk about your bad pigs! Really.

Oh, I'm sorry Girls.
Oh my God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Alright,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Alright,
Alright,
Alright!

Please forgive me everyone!
Please forgive me!
Just a little yolk,
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!