Folies Bergères

So, there really is a script?
Absolutely!
Good!
From now on you will work on it with my associate producer
Stephanie Necrophorus!
She writes for Cahier du Cinema under the name Robespierre

Kyrie Contini
I'm, ah, not an admirer of yours
So
If you would now please tell me what your film's about
Perhaps I can help you with its plot
Which has always been one of your, ah
Weakest points

Oh, well, thank you, that's very generous of you
Um, let me see
Where do I begin?
At first - nothing
Then - music!

The action begins in a graveyard
A man has been buried alive
He's scratching and clawing
Poor fellow, he's caught in a terrible crunch!
He's fighting his way to the surface
It's likely he'll never survive
He hardly can breathe
And he's desperate to keep an appointment for lunch
An appointment for lunch? That's absurd!
It's humorous!
Well, it sounds depressing
It does
In fact we begin with a wedding
A prologue to what I've described
We're happy and gay and in love and it's spring
And the trees are all green
A trio of capuchin monkeys
Insinuates into the frame
They chatter a bit and then one disappears
But the others remain
Have I mentioned the train?
The train?
Of course! There are trains in all Contini films!
It's my signature!
With a bold clean masterstroke
A bold clean masterstroke
Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly
Suddenly we see fire and smoke
With a bold clean masterstroke
A bold clean masterstroke
Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly
Suddenly there's a train!
With a bold clean masterstroke
A bold clean masterstroke
Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly
Suddenly one colossal joke!
And the monkeys all get on
The monkeys all get on
Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, suddenly
Suddenly they're all gone!
Ciao!

Contini! This is not what
I want! There's no train in a spa
There's no monkeys in a spa
And where is the dancing?
Where is the singing?
What singing and what dancing?
When we had lunch in Paris, you told me you couldn't wait to do a musical!
A musical?
Why did you think I gave you this contract?
What was I drinking at that lunch?
Mais c'est pas possible!
Pourquoi faut-il que je m'associe toujours avec les idiots?
Madonna, madonna!
Le cinema today is in a crisis
Directors are so existentialistes
The movies are not worth their entrance prices
If no one sings a love song when they're kissed
Contini! I want a musical!
Love cannot be love without 'le singing'
A string, a clarinet, a saxophone
Take a lesson from this old Parisian
And the finest entertainment she has known
Folies Bergeres
What a showing of color, costume, and dancing!
Not a moment in life could be more entrancing
Than an evening you spend aux Folies Bergeres
Folies Bergeres
Not a soul in the world would be in despair when he
Is glancing
At the fabulous stage des Folies Bergeres

Think of the footlights bright and gleaming
Le strip-tease, le can-can we all adore
Life is too short without dreaming
And dreams are what le cinema is for
Folies Bergeres
La musique et la danse, le son, la lumiere!
Les petits jolis seins des belles bouquetieres
Sur la belle passerelle des Folies Bergeres
Pas de mystere
Le spectacle est tout a fait decouvert

The trouble with Contini, he's the king of mediocrities
A second-rate director who believes that he is Socrates
He never makes a movie or a picture or a flick, he makes a film
Get it? A film
A typical Italian with his auto and biography
A mixture of Catholicism, pasta and pornography
A superficial, womanizing, moderately charming Latin fraud
Grazie!
Prego
And what are his movies about?
Just beauty, truth, death, youth, love, life, anguish, angst
Thanks to him we have boredom at the movies
Grazie!
Prego!
Darlings!

Folies Bergeres (The trouble with Contini, he's the king of mediocrities)
La musique et la danse (A second-rate director who believes that he is Socrates)
Le son, la lumiere! (He never makes a picture or a movie or a flick, he makes a film)
Les petits jolis seins des belles bouquetieres
(Get it? A film! A typical Italian with his auto and biography)
Sur la belle passerelle (A mixture of Catholicism, pasta and pornography)
Des Folies Bergeres (A superficial, womanizing, moderately charming Latin fraud)

Pas de mystere (And what are his movies about? Just beauty)
Le spectacle est tout a (Truth, death)
Fait d'couvert. (Youth, love, life, anguish, angst)
Et pas trop cher (Thanks to him we have boredom at the movies)
Viens ce soir avec moi (Viens ce soir avec moi aux Folies Bergeres!)
Aux Folies Bergeres

I love it!

Folies Bergeres
The music, the lights, and the laughter
The answer to what you are after
Each night at the Folies Bergeres
Folies Bergeres -
To your modern ideas I simply compare one derriere
At the Folies Bergeres!
The answer to what you are after
The music, the lights, and the laughter
Of the Folies Bergeres!