Caulk the Wagon

Now all we gotta do is float our wagon down
the great Columbia River to that new life together
How are we supposed to float a wagon? It's a wagon
Oh, child bride

We gotta caulk your wagon, Mouthface
We gotta caulk your wagon, Mouthface
We gotta caulk your wagon, Mouthface
Until the day we die
But I don't want to die!
That's why:
We gotta caulk your wagon, Mouthface
We gotta caulk your wagon, Mouthface
We gotta caulk your wagon, Mouthface
Until the day we die

Yeah, and how we supposed to do that?
Well, do you see that ox?
(Ahuh.)
He's an ox of course
(Yep.)
And he took us down the trail
But his time is up, 'cause he won't help us
Unless he grows a sail

His time is up, unless he grows a sail
His time is up
Eehhh!
He didn't grow a sail

So we'll chop him up, remove his guts
And grind up all his hooves
Then we'll mix it up into a pulp
And spread it on like glue

We'll chop him up and make him into glue
You'll caulk this up, this ox has died for you

Why don't we just build a raft?
Uh, 'cause that takes weeks of labor and choppin' up wood
Do you wanna chop up all that wood, Mouthface? (No)
Okay then

Now spread the caulk on thick
To seal out the water
Now blow on it real quick (Ugh)
It has a real strange odor
Why did we leave home in the first place?
I'm springin' leaks all over my face
A higher power steers me true
Now let me do the same for you
I see this trip has taken its toll
Now let me fill your holes

He's gonna caulk your wagon, Mouthface
He's gonna caulk your wagon, Mouthface
He's gonna caulk your wagon, Mouthface
Until the day you die

Now that's how you caulk a wagon!
Now we're gonna push off on the count of three
One
Two
Three
We're off!

Until the day we die...
(Caulk the wagon)
(Caulk the wagon)
(Caulk the wagon)

Oh God Damn It!