Persevere

I never got to kiss your head
Ah, Emme
And the call came the week I got divorced
I thought I had a real understanding then of loss
But I didn't know a thing 'til you were gone

And I'm tired of trying to find some sort of
Meaningful thing
In making sense of such unspeakable loss
But as I'm staring at your folks
The sweetest people I know
I get a glimpse of what it is to be strong
Just holding hands and sobbing with sunglasses on

'Cause nothing tuned me in
To absurdity as fast
As a gravestone with the name
Of a baby that has passed
I used to wanna be important
Now I just wanna be alive
And without fear
You got to persevere

I couldn't count the times
I've ragged on heaven
As an opiate invented by the weak
It's an argument I hate
'Cause I'm content to love the fates
But it comes up a lot with Emme's dad and me

So I'm shotgun in the car
And we're just shooting the shit
And predictably the talking turns to God
So I throw him 40 lines
How I don't think he exists
And he just smiles and
Takes a dignified pause
Says, "It's okay to feel unbelievably lost"

But God is full of grace
And his faithfulness is vast
There is safety in the moments
When the shit has hit the fan
Not some vindictive motherfucker
Nor is he shitty at his job
What words to hear
And I'm a mess by now

'Cause nothing tuned me in to my
Failure as fast
As grieving for a friend with more belief than I possessed
It's not some disembodied heaven
He assured me, then he laughed
And says through tears
You got to persevere
Persevere
Persevere
Persevere

We threw a party up in here
But God, it was bittersweet
I live hard 'cause I am scared
That I won't mean anything
So now I'm praying to the ceiling
To the windows, to the walls
Against this sudden sinking feeling
That there's nothing there at all

And still
We just persevere