Year of the Child

Baruch, baruch atah
Baruch atah Adonai
Baruch atah Adonai eloheinu
Melech haolam
Asher kidshanu, asher kidshanu
V'tzivanu l'hitateif batzitzit

Jason, dear, hello
Are you packed and waiting?
But before we go
Let me speak with father alone
Now as the bar mitzvah nears
Jason, put your Walkerman on and hum
Since this is the last loving thing
We'll probably ever do together
Let's act adult and not go crazy
Have you chosen yet who'll cater?
What about it?
I know a person who should cater
It's a personal decision who should cater
Can we consider who's gonna cater?
Shh
Please
Argh
Please
Shhhh
Please

Stop!
This is so much crap
Throw a simple party
Religion's just a trap
That ensnares the weak and the dumb
Hey, stop with the prayers

How can you stop with the prayers
At a bar mitzvah?

The whole thing's voodoo
And I know more than you do

This is the year of Jason's bar mitzvah
We're more excited than we should be
This is the year of the child
When he spreads out his wings
There's music in his heart
His life's about to start
His body's going wild
My child
My child
Our child

Children, please
Throw the kid a celebration
And relax
I'll bring women from the wrong side of the tracks
We'll have a ball
I guess I'll have to raise this Jason myself

Isn't he an asshole? (My own bar mitzvah was...)
Yes, he is
Isn't he too much? (A miserable occasion)
Yes, but so are you
Really, kiddo, so are you (The cause for such abrasion)
Isn't he an asshole? (in my family)
Jason, where's my hug? (It still)
Where's my hug? (gives me hives)

This is the year for Jason's bar mitzvah
This is the year for Jason's bar mitzvah

Look, look, look, look, look
It's a lesbian from next door
Followed by her lover
Who's a lesbian from next door, too
And I've got food for you
Delicious food for you
Nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine

Aah

Here's dietetic knishes
Gefilte fishes
Food that's from the heart
So, take a bite and see
If all your friends agree
It's good

Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy
Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy
Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yum!

We'll have one perfect time
We'll spend billions of dollars
Conga!
We'll have flowers galore
And the band will sound fine
There'll be chandeliers set round the room
With the men in tuxedos
There'll be food
Like food never before
What a day to remember!

This is the year of Jason's bar mitzvah
They're more excited than they should be
This is the year of the child when he spreads out his wings
There's music in his heart
His life's about to start
His body's going wild
My...
Child!