Confessions

Come on inside and I'll show my insides
And all my secrets that I tried to hide
So much going on inside, and it might not compare to your life
But I'm trying to deal with my struggles and it's taking me some time
Open book, open head, writing pen
Look inside my journal, concealing all my thoughts in this leather back den

I lost my friends when I devoted my life and I know what you're thinking
If they couldn't love you for you, except you for the change
Were they your friends at all?
The truth is that I hope so, cause if not it means I've been living a lie my whole life
That I've gone through life without a friend, and it feels hard to comprehend
Wondering what in the world is wrong with me
Why am I so hard to befriend?
And I know that part of the problem is me; it lies here within
That I have trouble communicating all of my thoughts
And making the time to fit everything in
I don't have anymore friends, so I lean on my family and do the same to them

I have trouble maintaining connection, prioritizing my time and letting them in
Sorry if I don't reach out to you enough; It feels like I'm conjoined to my sin
Wanna be a father but I don't feel like I have much to offer
My like an author to a story of a man who's much more of a bother
Because I know in the back of my mind, I'm counting up all of my mistakes
If I can't take care of myself
Who am I to raise an angel, when I can't take care of myself?
Being the man of the house is a daunting task to me,
Praying I'm leading my house in the direction that I should be
I feel so inadequate, why did you choose me?

I'm not hiding anything from you, can't you see what's wrong with me?
Admitting myself that I'm inconsistent with prayer
Telling myself that if I really did care
I wouldn't be doing this; I wouldn't dare

Telling myself that my case is rare
Put on the label, like "buyer beware"
I have a desire to be a man of God, a desire to go out and preach
But most of the time I don't think I have what it takes to teach
Let alone go on a stage, shepherd the people, a short reach with my speech

What if you could see my flaws?
Would you still live for me? Would you still die for me?
What if you could see me flaws?
Would I be honest with you or hide the truth?
Would I bask in my perfection? Live a lie for my protection?
A fake play of affection, afraid of all rejection, paranoid of inspection
That you'll see my disconnection; see I'm lost with no direction
I think I'm better off inside my mind
What if you could see my flaws?
What if you could see my flaws?

I try to pursue music even though I know I don't have the voice
Just try to tell myself, there's intelligent people who listen to quality music
Cause they have a choice
I'm no lyrical genius, I swing and I miss, excuse me and please dismiss
I just spill my thoughts on the page, and let them out of my cage
The content is hard to gauge, I want use this stage to encourage you to engage
With God the Father no matter your phase
That's my soul purpose; I have no desire for fame
I can bask in my sorrow, or assign all the blame
Or use it to motivate and propel what I proclaim
Who you are doesn't define your name
But I promise there is so much more to your name