Walls

What do you call life when you don't have any answers?
What do you call it when you miss a hundred chances?
How can I
Understand it?
Where my life has been?
I'm too tired
I'm falling asleep again
When you believe that sex is the only answer
You feel the only one relating
Is your uncle with cancer
How many chances?
How many losses?
Too many to count
Is my family getting smaller?
I've made the mistake of
Building these walls
Don't tell me
You gotta tear 'em down
I already know
Feel like a disappointment
Like I can't do anything
Like I'm worthless
What is my purpose?
What am I even here for?
5 years old
Don't miss this
I don't know why
They throwin dirt on my sis
8 years old
I don't get it
My brother's in a grave
And I'll never look at Christmas the same
Why do we build these walls?
It only isolates and sets us apart
From the plan you had for me from the start
Won't you help me to tear down these walls?
How do you know life gave you everything?
When you're in debt
And it gets harder to breathe
And I got too many questions
Didn't learn enough lessons
Where's God at?
Took quite a while
To crack a real smile
Cus my family was ripping apart
To my ex
Things where good at the start
And I wanted a life
But it was nothing but strife
And to my son
He won't be like me
He won't be angry
To get a little bit happy
These are deep subjects
My parents almost split
But they beat them odds
And that was nothing
When it was facing God
Why did I build up these walls?
What's the purpose?
Protection?
Reflection?
Afraid to let anyone in?
Afraid of rejection?
Which brings me to
Another subject
I've been beat up
Treated like garbage
By both kids and even adults
Why do we build these walls?
It only isolates and sets us apart
From the plan you had for me from the start
Won't you help me to tear down these walls?
Lets get right
At the source
How do I blame God for my own course?
I chose the path I'm on
Man, it was my own choice
How can I live like it wasn't my fault
Like it wasn't my flaws
I think I missed that call
I think I miss them answers
I missed the time He said I'll be okay
But now I get it
I may have not fit in
But what does that matter?
I look in my sons eyes
I can see His grace
Why do I always turn from that face?
Like I'm the disgrace?
I think I need to change this race
There's something bigger
Brighter ahead
I built these walls and made MYSELF dead
With these feelings I sleep with
In my own bed
I'm tired of living angry
I'm tired of being crazy
Once again I think it's time for someone to finally come and save me!
Why do we build these walls?
It only isolates and sets us apart
From the plan you had for me from the start
Won't you help me to tear down these walls?
These walls are closing in, I'm loosing control
They're gonna suffocate and murder my soul
These demons only want to see me fall
It's time to break these walls once and for all!