Best Band in Heaven
St. Peter wiped the marquee clear,
Wheeled up a case of Christmas cheer,
And blessed non-alcoholic beer,
For every holy holdout
The band members rolled up their sleeves
And sound checked "Bringing in the Sheaves"
Despite the lights hung from the eaves,
The show was hardly sold out
The lead harp, rhythm harp, bass harp were
Tuned up and fortified with myrrh
With J. S. Bach on Wurlitzer
And the angels singing backup
To sing the way a church choir does,
While sound guys fixed the feedback buzz
But the pitiable problem was
They could never really stack up
Because the best band in heaven
Couldn't hold a candle to
The best band in hell
Despite a glowing Spin review
So hang up your harps, the Billboard charts
You'll never break onto
Because the best band in hell
Will kick the devil out of you
With contracts signed in blood and cleared
The all-star band in hell premiered
While damned souls sang along and cheered
To hit songs from the eighties
Top rockers of once high acclaim
Who died in sin despite their fame
I'm not at liberty to name
Those late rock gods in Hades
No hackneyed hymns, no gospel tunes,
No fluegelhorns and no bassoons,
No cellists playing "Clair de Lune"
Just balls-out hard rock anthems
Head banging from the mosh pit crowd
The amps turned deafeningly loud
Like some atomic mushroom cloud
They rocked with wild abandon
Too bad the best band in heaven
Couldn't learn a trick or two
From the best band in hell
With captive fans out the wazoo
No music classes, backstage passes
Handled by the crew
Because the best band in hell
Will knock the halo off of you
The double bass drum thumped the beat
The set lists burned up at their feet
But no one seemed to mind the heat
Or the two-for-one drink specials
With pyrotechnics on the stage
And go-go dancers in a cage
When names on bass drums were the rage
Theirs spelled "The Handsome Devils"
God bless the best band in heaven
Maybe someday they'll outdo
The best band in hell
And their wickedly good revue
A crown of thorns for devil horns
They'll trade for their breakthrough
Because the best band in hell
Will rock the devil out of you
Because the best band in hell
Will rock the devil out of you
Wheeled up a case of Christmas cheer,
And blessed non-alcoholic beer,
For every holy holdout
The band members rolled up their sleeves
And sound checked "Bringing in the Sheaves"
Despite the lights hung from the eaves,
The show was hardly sold out
The lead harp, rhythm harp, bass harp were
Tuned up and fortified with myrrh
With J. S. Bach on Wurlitzer
And the angels singing backup
To sing the way a church choir does,
While sound guys fixed the feedback buzz
But the pitiable problem was
They could never really stack up
Because the best band in heaven
Couldn't hold a candle to
The best band in hell
Despite a glowing Spin review
So hang up your harps, the Billboard charts
You'll never break onto
Because the best band in hell
Will kick the devil out of you
With contracts signed in blood and cleared
The all-star band in hell premiered
While damned souls sang along and cheered
To hit songs from the eighties
Top rockers of once high acclaim
Who died in sin despite their fame
I'm not at liberty to name
Those late rock gods in Hades
No hackneyed hymns, no gospel tunes,
No fluegelhorns and no bassoons,
No cellists playing "Clair de Lune"
Just balls-out hard rock anthems
Head banging from the mosh pit crowd
The amps turned deafeningly loud
Like some atomic mushroom cloud
They rocked with wild abandon
Too bad the best band in heaven
Couldn't learn a trick or two
From the best band in hell
With captive fans out the wazoo
No music classes, backstage passes
Handled by the crew
Because the best band in hell
Will knock the halo off of you
The double bass drum thumped the beat
The set lists burned up at their feet
But no one seemed to mind the heat
Or the two-for-one drink specials
With pyrotechnics on the stage
And go-go dancers in a cage
When names on bass drums were the rage
Theirs spelled "The Handsome Devils"
God bless the best band in heaven
Maybe someday they'll outdo
The best band in hell
And their wickedly good revue
A crown of thorns for devil horns
They'll trade for their breakthrough
Because the best band in hell
Will rock the devil out of you
Because the best band in hell
Will rock the devil out of you
Credits
Writer(s): Lawrence James O'neal
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com
Link
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