Glockenspiel Man

These days rumors still fly
'Bout a curious guy
They said lived his strange life alone
Kept live bugs in a jar
Traded in his guitar
For an instrument worse than trombone

Well, he couldn't be bound
To stop and settle down
With the majorette girl of his dreams
So he kidnapped a lass
From his Film Studies class
And he gagged her to muffle her screams

He spray painted the side of his van
Joined the local tech school's marching band
The head of public health said he kept to himself
And he went by 'The Glockenspiel Man'

You could hear how it pealed
From all over the field
When he hit every other note wrong
There were some who would claim
At the homecoming game
He was playing a whole other song

As the band marched in time
To his dissonant chime
Like a mummy escaping the tomb
Every fan in the stands
As in church folded hands
To pray for the game to resume

So the trumpets concocted a plan
Right before the next home game began
They'd toss him in a sack in the dumpster out back
And be rid of the Glockenspiel Man

Don't walk alone through town
Don't climb the dark stairs
If you hear that discordant sound
Run and say your prayers

You can blame every school marching band
You can blame music teachers, you can
You can blame one and all for what papers would call
"The Revenge of the Glockenspiel Man"

They found Jenny Lynn Hodge
By the Econo Lodge
With a note penned all in upper case
They found Tammy Gilmour
By the payday loans store
With yarn mallet marks on her face

They found Carrie Beth Kern
Near the U-Haul return
In the back of an old cargo van
They found Rae Ellen Kent
Near the flea market tent
But they never found the Glockenspiel Man

You may wander this whole white trash land
Where percussionists once freely ran
Beware of those chimes, out of tune and off-time
For it could be the Glockenspiel Man
Yeah, beware of those chimes, out of tune and off-time
'Cause it could be the Glockenspiel Man