Brand New Disguise

I wasn't gifted a glamorous life
As a kid, I was sad all the time
Never smiled, I was camera shy
As a child I was asked why I cried
I really wished I could answer, but I
Didn't know why I was damaged inside
Despite all the fears in the back of my mind
I dried all my tears and I managed to fight
Stand in the night, hands in the sky
Askin' him why, actually I can't see the light
Atrophy my hands as I write, craft, and design
Raps that I rhyme. Throw my notepad to the side
Hand me the mic, antsy to sign
Man, it'd be nice. Family ties damaged by lies
Can't be denied, stand for what's right
Actions decide if I have to provide a brand new disguise

I'm just tryin' to understand what it's like
I never really had a chance to decide
They wanna kill me but I manage to fight
Hide in plain sight with a brand new disguise

I know they try to plan my demise
Never really had a chance to survive
You don't wanna cross paths or collide
Hide in plain sight with a brand new disguise

Yeah, challenge when I'm dealing with adversity
No reason when they question my integrity
Jealousy soaking in like its chemically
Keep yo head down before you end up like a Kennedy
It was the obstacles, that I've overcome
Seen things I should've been shielded from
Went down the rabbit hole but I'm comin' right back
With the shit I should've never done
How I know people around all wearing a mask?
They got answers, how I know what questions to ask?
Stress building up, that's why I carry a flask
Hang on ever drop, like it's my last
Did it on my own when I was alone
Disguised by the evil but it seems like
The more I try the more they already know

I'm just tryin' to understand what it's like
I never really had a chance to decide
They wanna kill me but I manage to fight
Hide in plain sight with a brand new disguise

I know they try to plan my demise
Never really had a chance to survive
You don't wanna cross paths or collide
Hide in plain sight with a brand new disguise

I don't want my kids left as orphans
Now everything else is less important
The doc said my blood pressure's soarin'
I've been feelin' like Dexter Morgan
I'm not human, I've been fakin' emotion
Talkin' a moment just to put it all in place and expose it
I'm basically broken. It seems there's no way to control it
Patiently waitin' and hopin' just to face my atonement
And I pray there's no afterlife
I've been depressed over half my life
It's not a question of sacrifice
I'm asking Christ to turn back the hands of time
I can't tell if I'm cursed or I'm blessed
I'm hurtin' and stressed, feelin' like a burden to friends
Burnin' both ends, I'm just tryin' to do my personal best
And earn my respect, 'cause the only thing that's certain is death

I'm just tryin' to understand what it's like
I never really had a chance to decide
They wanna kill me but I manage to fight
Hide in plain sight with a brand new disguise

I know they try to plan my demise
Never really had a chance to survive
You don't wanna cross paths or collide
Hide in plain sight with a brand new disguise