Talkintalkin Amphetamine Blues

This song's called
Talking talking talking amphetamine blues

One day I was feeling stuck
I felt my well had all dried up
So I went to the local shrink
And paid her fifty bucks to think
A full day's wage

She said, "Son, I'm just a pharmacist
But I'll take the cash if you insist
And I'll stick something in your wrist"

I galloped home, feeling odd
So up I climbed a lightning rod
I shook and slipped, then I looked down
In just one blink I hit the ground
Five storeys- face first- true story

I was very dead it seems
I floated down the New York City sewer streams
But it was all just a bad dream

Late October, out of school
I was feeling like a ghoul
So I went trick-or-treatin' for Halloween
And in my bag, was another bag-
Inside that bag was a canvas bag-
Which held a polyester bag filled with amphetamines
I'm sure you've heard about it

I ate them like tic tacs
I felt my spine crack
Then I wrote this song on the way back
Way back home that is

I hadn't slept- five days straight
My eyes were making figure eights
I told my friend, "I'm feeling low"
She laughed and said, "oh, don't you know
You were born awful"

That sure explained a lot
Sure was food for thought
Put my stomach in a knot

Mirror, mirror, looking tall
Who's the greatest of them all
The man in the mirror reached around
And gave my head a mighty pound
Nearly cracked my skull, that freak

So I started to panic
Thought I was going manic
My doctor said, "you're alright son, you're only asthmatic!"

Well with that good news, I grabbed my hat
And ran back home in seconds flat
I took a pill- maybe four-
I love the Marine Corps!
So I enlisted

I said, "Yessir I'll fight for all of us"
They screamed, "hey now, what's all this commie fuss?"
So then they knocked me out, fixed my tie, and threw me in the city bus

I woke on the bus and to my glee
I met people just like me
So I sat with a groovy liberal
And offered him some Adderall
He nearly punched me

He frowned like a pug
Almost dropped his coffee mug
Then said, "I thought we won the war on drugs"

I asked the driver to drop me there
Right in the middle of nowhere
I'm sick and tired of being put down
I'll pop a pill and go underground
Here I go, yipee

Went into the woods, I met a bear
I won at Blackjack fair and square
Then he clawed me up and sold my hair

So I guess the moral of the song
Is don't be seekin' to belong
For every time you think you're right
Just keep it hid and let them fight
That's how you win

No use being sad
In a world gone mad
I'm sure glad I'm nothing like that