Def Ears

Wine and your offer to climb
in my bed
didn't fall on deaf ears.
I just silenced my desires
and sacrificed my happiness
as I've done for years.
Bad choices and consequences
has rendered me comfortable in tears.
On the sour end of love notes
actualizer of worse fears.
And now comes you
shiny like a brand new
penny caught in the headlights
on the street.
Day one culprit, 
blatant broad daylight the bandit
daring my heart to compete
against the common sense
that my brain slang
whenever it and this love game meet.
Do you like hugs,
do you like hugs
me too!
And I like kisses
Nights of us two
entangled in delicate wishes,
like I'm not your mistress.
As we midnight rendezvous
because I can't get next to you
without exposing me.
I can't play it safe
when you're choosing the cards
and I'm only allowed to see
these moves aren't mine
And there's no net below.
Hands at the base of my back
And kisses down low
are only distraction which
prolong the next
The next next
because this love is without context
And though
I'm a great pretender I don't just flow
I prefer my love close ended and so
I pretend I'm good when you want to go
I pretend that it doesn't hurt
to know what I know
I pretend to be free
of insecurity
but it burns
when I wonder if she
is in any way better than me.
Surely, her life doesn't compare.
But the reality comes in
because the wool now has a tear
I'm alone here
and she has you there
Wine and your offer to climb
in my bed didn't fall on deaf ears
I just silenced my desires
And sacrificed my happiness
As I've been taught to do for years.