I Miss Us... / Do I Though?

I miss us more than I miss being home
Quiet voicemails on the phone
Constant fear of being alone
While these thoughts of you coming back
Still haunt me on these tracks
Never understood the verdict
Still feel like I never heard it
My past coming back to haunt me
Still feel like you weren't sorry
And now you got a lil' rebound, I can't help but feel lil' salty
My momma tell me I'm great
And I never felt like I can't
But the man in the mirror now just a fraction of what it takes
To succeed in this world
Feel like I can't help but feel for you girls
Who get done dirty, and steady hurting in this world
So I make an effort, it's conscious
To never ever spew the nonsense
My pockets lighter every day, but ain't no lighters where I stay
Cuz we don't put that in our lungs, ain't no coughing, I'm just gon' pray
To the lord up above, he sending down little bills in blessings
They coming in ones
Stressing ain't ever been fun
But stressing ain't the word to depict how my mental was
Or should I say is
Last week I had a dream, but it's gon' stay in my biz
Details not important
The just of it that I'm try'na get across, is that I miss you, and I didn't wanna boss up
Get out of the bed
I think I'll stay in my head
And just lay here 'til I'm dead
That's what I'm gon' dread
The real world just a void in the end
What better can I do?
"It's better that we're through"
That's what I keep saying, but I feel like I never mattered to you
And maybe he don't matter to you
Or maybe I'm just a stepping stone for you find something new
In that case I'm really happy that you could see it through
But as for me, I'm just a wreck, no other way to put it true
And I can't help but feel I'm due
To stop feeling this way soon
But the more that I get past it
It's the more that I'm consumed
By these feelings of love
I don't think I can call it that
If I'm looking above
For an answer, he'll call me back
And just tell me I'm loved
I can't see it where I been at
But I know that it's true
Ain't nowhere to deposit that
When I'm looking for you
And I ain't the one to diss you
Or whoever been hugging you
So do I miss you?
Or do I miss loving you?

(Do you love me too?)

I miss the butterflies in my chest
And I miss just steady feeling all my best
I miss getting hearts all by the text
But right now I just miss not being a wreck
My mental calm and clear like the sky and the water
See, I can like lie for real, on my son and daughters
Postpartum depression, cuz I feel like I was born yesterday
And my noggin steady logging information by the decade
Resuscitate my brain, you resuscitate the pain
But I don't think that I miss her, I just miss with what it came
Lately I been feeling shame for feeling like this
I'll just catch my grip and get back in the cockpit
And take control of the situation on a day to day basis
And get back on my grind
And scrape my mind off the pavement
No relating
If we being for real, no need to drop in your two cents
Abe ain't gotta die twice for me to know bout your new sense
Of worth from my mindset
Cuz this ain't about you
I'll get back on my grind then
I'll make sure that I find you

I'll see you soon