Clear Skies, Calm Waters

(If she's mentally ill, then it ain't no deal)
(If she can't make her mind, it ain't worth your time)
(If she's mentally ill, then it ain't no deal)
(If she can't make her mind, it ain't worth your time)

Look, yeah I could spaz on these piano keys
But ain't a person in the world could ever handle me
I'm too much to comfort
More to console
Where was I heading with this? You know that I never know
Last tape, I said I love me more than being alive
That said, I ain't the type to ever tell you a lie
If I'm being real, I do what I can to keep you from hurting
But my biggest fear deep is that I ain't a good person

My mental a gorilla, he's strapped up with heavy arms
Nothing else I said was realer, by comparison, I'm far
Compared to where I was a year ago, I feel so old
Prepared my hair for hitting ceiling fans, my ego is tall
When I'm moving packs alone
If I'm making cash alone
How can I rap when there's so much going on at home?
After the last tape I had to take a good hiatus
This my first time in the stu since way back when when I was aimless
I ain't had no direction, just a blissful erection
It seem like just this time, I was finally happy in my section
Felt so natural, for me to be in this place
But I should've warned myself, that it could end the same way
But I'm here today
Look ma I got back up
Even when I'm feeling down, especially on my luck
I sound so selfish, hear me out I can't believe what I'm saying
Start to feel like having depression in any way is basic
Sorry momma don't think I can get attached to these hoes
Say that now, but I ain't feel that way when I'm back at home
I wanna bring somebody home so you can meet 'em
But how can I be sure you'll like em when I don't know how I'm feeling
Kinda feel like I'm the same as she was
Thinking like, "Hell, maybe we were never different at all"
I feel as toxic as you, but I guess that ain't no fair
Cuz I promised not to diss you even when we split hairs
So it ain't a diss, it's just a tearful goodbye
The words I'm spitting here gon' make feel like I gotta cry
But I can't cuz I got it all out before
Nothing left, you could never make me cry no more
But when these tears was falling while I was scribbling pages
It made me realize all of it was just my imagination
It never really felt how I thought it did
Maybe I was try'na fake it 'til I made it
Once I made it, made me feel like I had borrowed it
Just try'na find something with someone who'll reciprocate
Is that too much to ask, will it just end in pain?
Will I shatter when I break, hit the bottom of the barrel
I don't know just what it takes, but I thought that you were my world
Where the hell I'm at now?
Swear to god I hear this sounds
I feel like I hear your voice when I'm alone and I'm sitting
It's a vision, nah it ain't I know I gotta be trippin'

Yeah, yeah
This thing on?

I just got off the phone with the bank
I checked on my balance they said "You are what you make"
Broke and I'm broken, spread the pain like a paint
If the silence was token, then I'm done playing all these games
These girls got they bags and loose necklaces
Tighter ones called chokers, no composure, they the young and recklesses
Evident, that I've lost faith in my generation
I feel like the only old head who was born for demonstration
In 2003, yeah it's however you see
In my eyes, and my mind, I see that they start to lose me
Find a map while I'm at it, 6 glasses and I still couldnt see how you think you deep
You telling it to me
This pain cut deep, like a knife in your dome piece
Say I'm chillin, but for real I just wan' find out what love means
Change the "ov" to an "if" you can't have one without the other
Maybe we just all compelled to find our future children's mother
Say I'm doing fine I'm calm like the sky, and the water clear
It's good fishing, but if you don't wanna catch it then don't come near
It used to be a charade, but now it's too close to home
Ironic cuz I'm 250 miles away you know
I feel unloved, untrusted, undone, and unappealing
I can't go back no more, but if I could you'd be the with me
But I've done what I've done, there ain't nothing else to change
Time heals all the wounds, even the ones the mind can't

(Hey! Welcome back)
(Certainly glad you could join us)
(Clear skies, calm waters)
(Fantastic little painting, that I really hope you enjoy)
(Clear skies)
(And I sort of have an ideaa that I wanna do something with a little lake here)
(And maybe put a- maybe put a little mountain back here or something I don't know)
(Now we know we're gonna add water here)
(And since we use the clear, it's nice and- it's nice and transparent)

The sky too calm
The water too clear
The quiet and the silence is the root of all my fear
The ripples in the water with the falling of these tears
The ripples in my heart, and in the mind the grinding gears
And as I'm going drawing near to when I'm finally past it here
It drags me back in like a whirlpool I cannot steer
The most silent storm in my mind that you'd ever hear
All the while the sky is calm, and the water is clear

This pain feels a bit too long
A few months no sweat, but now it just goes on and goes on
When I'm asleep I just dread waking up and out of the bed
It's odd the pain and solace that I find inside my head
It's a safe haven that ain't really safe so it seems
Whenever I'm getting comfortable, it attacks my dreams
Nightmares turn to reality I'm sure I'm sure of it
It all feels so real, couldn't possibly dream of it
And when I go to sleep I'm sure that she'll haunt me again
Or maybe I'll be blessed with pleasant memories to pretend
That was ever any love between us, it's so fake
From the time that we started I should've know that it would break
And when it did it would shatter pieces
Just like this
But I know that you been dreaming
No it ain't about this
When I said "I bet you never think about me" I was so right
But that don't mean I don't think about you in the day and night
The simplicity of your mind astounds me to this day
Make me feel like I lost hope for all the women in this age
And I know I shouldn't like that, cuz it's all lies
But I am yet to see examples that would prove it otherwise
It's a sad sad thing to say, and I admit it
But I'll pick my next move, and I've got to live with it
It's a late night when I'm writing this it's so quiet
And you know just how I be when I'm surrounded by the silence
The sky too calm
The water too clear
The quiet and the silence is the root of all my fear
The ripples in the water with the falling of these tears
The ripples in my heart, and in the mind the grinding gears
And as I'm going drawing near to when I'm finally past it here
It drags me back in like a whirlpool I cannot steer
The most silent storm in my mind that you'd ever hear
All the while the sky is calm, and the water is clear

Yeah for now it's gonna hurt but I'm gon' keep it in private
Felt blind before like I was looking through some closed eyelids
And now I'm looking forward
Because soon I will find it
When I'm past all of the horror
And find peace in the silence