alone at the end of the day

Ever since I was a kid
Nobody gave a bit
Love to just sit
Talk to me and just click
Friends in the church
Growing up it really hurt
Getting pulled from both sides
I wanted to take my life
Just to feel if I'm alive
To see if God is real
Find the truth and sort lies
Closest to me backslid
Can't even run off the grid
Feelings I can't hide even if I did
They'd still find me and haunt me in the end
All I needed was a friend
I can talk to comprehend
When my life's a freaking mess
Taking pills when I'm depressed
Numbing pain inside my chest
I shouldn't feel like this
Cause I know I'm be very blessed
So where did I go wrong
Wishing I was gone
Maybe it all started when I started writing songs
All I know was that it hit me in the fifth grade
That was when the closest person to me ran away
I know you didn't mean to leave me abandoned
But if felt like I was lost and surrounded
Yeah demons all around me I was stranded
You had your own things going on I understand it
But it left things worse in the family
They said they loved everybody else except for me
I didn't think about it much but it stuck with me
Blamed everything on myself that was happening

And now I look at myself
I've been going through hell
No one to call for help
Throw a coin in the well
Wishing that I can dwell
All the pain that I've felt
No one to follow oh well
Soul to keep I won't sell
I always prayed and knelt
In the end I still fell
I'm only human I fail
With the issues I dealt
Their only human they'll bail
Last minute on you and kill
All the faith that you built
But I guess it's God's will

Cause growing up I was always the anomaly
I never fit in with any of society
From a home that was full of insecurities
Only thing we did was run from liberty
Going out all the time just to numb the pain
Drowning myself in music so I won't go insane
Even though I need help I don't want you to stay
I'd rather deal with it, cause I deserve to feel this way
I popped some pills in my room hoping to end it all
Regret the second I did it I knew the devil won
I didn't wanna die but I am scared to answer my call
I didn't want to live knowing I was a chosen one
Runaway, fornicated and a drug addict
Then another one that was messing with white magic
My dad said I don't wanna die without saying this
I want you know that you're a good kid

But I still look at my face
Thinking I'm a disgrace
Feelings I can't take
So I just fake
And say I'm ok
To avoid what you say
I pick up the pace
Cali I can't stay
Truly I can't wait
Till I'm far away
Though I can't runaway
From this lonely place
But I still pray
For a chance to change
Being alone at the end of the day