ThirtySomethin'

I remember damage
Then escape
Then adrift in a stranger's galaxy for a long time
My memories are the same as yours
They mean nothing
You know your end point when you reach it

It started to make sense

He had tamed heartache, remained scarred
His veins charred from coursing inflamed gore
Staved off the graveyard to erase the brainwash
So stray thoughts could formulate into a campaign

Aw, insane spark, he made his over to the registrar
So he could register, embark on the endeavor
Defeated the probability, completed the odyssey but
Upon return appalled to see the streets had been emptied

Whether result of a virus that left the planet in crisis
Or that his old alliances had passed him in milestones
Social life once so thriving now depleted and lifeless
He ceded to lean on his vices and enter the maelstrom

How come it feels the universe is conniving
To have him take a dive or coerce his demise
Ignoring the signs he coaxed himself with requisite lies
So he could carry on controlling his smiles and his cries

Not ignorant of the night, but never properly cautious
Refused to enter the wild until properly sauced up
Shortcut to feelings of elation and false love
All good, as long as we don't weigh what it costs us

Toss up on where he'd end up late in the outing
But first stop was The Pocket for familiar surroundings
His heart pounding, excited, it was gonna be hype
Too bad he was soon subjected to a memory wipe

He came to hours later... on the side of the street
From a slumber fertilized by the drinks
No recognizable landmark far as eyes could see
Realizing he'd no idea what transpired the prior eve

Heightened defeat immediately when searching his pockets
Though he had his wallet, license and cards all departed
No phone or car keys, as he clutched his chest in alarm
His chain gone to douse the injury with insult

Without any recollection of who could be at fault
He collected himself and his thoughts and proceeded to walk
Reality warped, he came to recognize his location
Discerning he'd just never seen this place in the daytime

No way home he made his way to the metro station
And without way for payment he hopped over the gate
First stop, to ascertain that his whip still remained
Then head to brunch to alleviate the pain with some champagne

Vehicle found intact... but still something was lost
As he went off to procure him a pour
Placed an order at the bar then asked to make a call
So he could inform his sister of his stark disregard

And have her come pick him up as he drank through the morn
Forlorn, all introspection'd have to wait till tomorrow
And as echoes wash ashore from a consciousness reclaimed
It remains unexplained how this is what I became
I feel shame

He could never figure it out, how to get
The only that ever really made him tick
And so he fell sick
Cursed with an affliction that urged him to sip
The only way to hasten that feeling of elation
That he couldn't obtain from any other situation
Yet the self-hatred was so patient
Waited safely beneath that ocean of suppressed emotion
Until the shores receded to reveal the demon lurking
Underneath, that undefeated and indefatigable beast
That refused all relief because it only wanted one thing
To eat and eat until no iota of self esteem
Remained to restrain the beast's ability to
Sustain and take control
In search for control he relinquished it
The demon took hold and extinguished it
Every trace of pride or self worth or love had been drained
Until the only claim that remained was shame