Indoctrination

Everyday I do best
Hustle get the paper
And homie God bless
The rest is up to fate
But do I really believe
That there's a God watching me
And making sure I make it
I used to be so sure
But now if you really want it then you take it
Dear, God let me make it
Is what I used to cry at night
As a little kid putting up a fight
With the devil that tries
To take control of my mind
I am troubled deep inside
My spirit feels broken
On my knees as a teen
Praying and hoping
That there's a God up above
A God of compassion
Yes, a God of pure love
At the age of 24 I had a mental breakdown
I experienced revelation
And it contradicted every single thing
That I was taught to believe
From the age of 24 up to 33
You could look into my eyes
And the only thing you'd see
Is a man feeling lost
Despite my confidence
Despite of what I claimed to believe
And that's where I'm at
And so I say

Dear, God, let me make it
Eh, that's just colonization
That's just acculturation
And it stems from centuries ago
The reason why I shake
Why I scream
When I wake
Like a fiend
And I can't let it go
And it mother fucking shows
With every note that I wrote
With every spit that I flow
I can't let it go
No, I can't let it go

Dear, God, let me make it
Eh, that's just colonization
That's just acculturation
And it stems from centuries ago
The reason why I shake
Why I scream
When I wake
Like a fiend
And I can't let it go
And it mother fucking shows
With every note that I wrote
With every spit that I flow
I can't let it go
No, I can't let it go

Dear, God
Dear, God please don't abandon me
Please, don't abandon me, God
I need you more than ever
I feel alone
I feel like I can't make it on my own, God
God, please, don't leave
Man, fuck this shit

I am age 34 now
And I bow down to no man
But I ain't gonna lie
I still find it rough trying to understand
The reason why I'm here
I gave myself purpose
But am I feeling fulfilled
Is my satisfaction real
Everyday I do my best
To reach my goals and make it
You want it better take it
It resonates in my mind
Everyday I talk to God
But everyday I wonder if I'm talking to myself
It affects my mental health
I went from praying and believing
To doubting the existence
The devil is deceiving
Is what the voice inside of me
Is always telling me
And this is the result of indoctrination
AKA colonization
I am well aware of it
But it doesn't take the fact that I'm suffering from it
It's an everyday struggle
But I refuse to go back
So this is where I reach
The point of no return
And leave alone the past
'Cause I know the origins
And for lack of better words
It was all fucking bad
It was a fucking bag

Dear, God, let me make it
Eh, that's just colonization
That's just acculturation
And it stems from centuries ago
The reason why I shake
Why I scream
When I wake
Like a fiend
And I can't let it go
And it mother fucking shows
With every note that I wrote
With every spit that I flow
I can't let it go
No, I can't let it go

Dear, God, let me make it
Eh, that's just colonization
That's just acculturation
And it stems from centuries ago
The reason why I shake
Why I scream
When I wake
Like a fiend
And I can't let it go
And it mother fucking shows
With every note that I wrote
With every spit that I flow
I can't let it go
No, I can't let it go