Written by Larry David

Roommates are very hard to please
Can't even get away with
Keeping my keys on my belt loop
What kind of petty shit is that?
Already put on my shoes on the welcome mat

If I could relate to anybody, it'd be Costanza
'Cause my life is plagued by minor inconveniences
And I can't stand it ("Can't stand ya!")

Helps build character though
But at what cost?
Can't even seem to keep a girl for a week
And then I'm chasing her
Halfway across the country

I wish life was like Seinfeld
So I could have a laugh track over
Every time that I got hurt
By a girl or by a friend
I really want this episode to end

So I can move on to see you
Nothing left in my room but a bed
And that's all that's left to remind me
Of you, after you left ("I think it moved")

When you walked in on one of them naked
Pretty sure he hadn't just been swimming
So he couldn't even fake it ("I was in the pool!")

I can't take it
Don't understand a word of what the
Baby downstairs is crying about
Wish I could be more sympathetic
But I'm not bilingual
Unless we talkin' Mexican! ("We speak Spanish, pendejo")

Car Seat Headrest got me in the rear
Recording vocals so my roommates wouldn't hear
Although in my room is where I'll produce beats
Only sound you hear is me tapping at the keys

On the laptop even though I got a MIDI
But the connection's loose
So that was kind of a waste of my money
One more thing to strip my pride from me
If my life were televised I'd maybe find it a bit more funny

I wish life was like Seinfeld
So I could have a laugh track over
Every time that I got hurt
By a girl or by a friend
I really want this episode to end

Our relationship might have started out
A bit too physical for me
And that is not what I'm into
I'd rather get to know you
Before I see your skin

Should I stay or should I go?
Finally established myself somewhere
Other than my hometown
But everyone I know is gone
Except my roommates and their unending problems

Roommates are very hard to please
Can't even get away with making my smoothie
In the morning before work
Gotta do it the night before
The consistency won't be the same
And I can't drink it anymore

I wish life was like Seinfeld
So I could have a laugh track over
Every time that I got hurt
By a girl or by a friend
I really want this song to end