This Isn't Goodbye

I know there was nothing
I could have done to make you stay
I just wanted a little more time
Before you slipped away
I can almost see the tiredness in your eyes
When your time on this earth
Came to an end
Before you left I just wanted to say
That I never had a greater friend
But the love you held in your heart
For everyone else
Was the love that you could not
Hold in your own heart for yourself
It armored you through many battles
But in the end it wasn't enough
To keep you alive
As the darkness nestled in your soul
Spread like a cancer
You could no longer survive
Death lost its fear
And became a hope for relief
From the war
As you laid down your smile
And declared there was nothing
Left to live for

After all these years
I still remember the day
I learned you had died
I remember not knowing how to feel
Just that something broke apart
On the inside
As I fought violently with self-blame
Dreaming of a world
Where what once was
Would still be the same
That the clouds descending
Upon me were false flags
That none of this was true
And everything would return to normal
And the sky again would be blue

Was it easy to make that final decision
Were you scared
Did you hesitate
Or was it just like going to sleep
When the hour has drawn late

It was hard to believe
That I would never see you again
At least not here
But if there is someplace else
After we die
Then we'll meet on that next frontier
And all these memories
That have stayed with me
Throughout the years
We will warmly recall somewhere in time
That is empty of our fears

I'll be a soul puncturing
Through the membrane
To meet you in the ether