An Entry From My Prison Journal

I miss the moon overhead with you beside me
I miss those maniacally wild nights that always seemed to stretch
Into an unprecedented endlessness
I feel alone in the pale light now
The moon is cold and mirthless
It sneers at me with mockery
The city sleeps Do you
I take apart the memories in places where moments we made frozen
Your flesh remains in all those places
No more than decaying strips
The blood has long dried up and turned a rusted brown
All I see is death
Resurrection seems a myth for those poisoned with delusions of hope
I can still recall the sweetness of your deconstructive kiss
The youthfulness I felt underneath your disarming smile
I remember your touch The feel of your caress
How it erased the focus of tragedy
I remember the absolution I found inside your flesh
I want to know that I am still desired
I want the comfort of knowing
That my heart has not become alien to you
I have always believed
The world I gave up for you
I threw away human interaction to reveal to you
That no one can ever imaginably mean more to me than you
I take myself apart like disassembling a machine to scrap it for parts
Do you see my insides
I am hollowed-out
Replace my organs Integrate yourself with me
This is not the hallucination of a deranged sociopath
Though it may seem like stars in the midnight sky
But this will not fade with day
The sun will never outshine how I feel
Deep in the plaque encrusted chambers of my mortal heart
I know what can be possible
Escape Babylon and come to me again
I await below the trees in the east
It is where the sun always rises and keeps me warm
Each shadow I see I am tricked into the excitement that it is you
How much longer I can always touch you
I want to taste you though
My only companion these days is regret
It croons me to sleep at night and is there when I wake in the morning
It remains by my side throughout the days
It is never mute It is never kind It is a sadist
It never refrains from reminding me how I let you slip away
How I was weak and did not run after you
It will never allow me the numbness of being able to forget
It shoves its cold hard fingers deep into all my unhealed wounds
It is always dusk though
Which seems to feed the memory of you in torrents of nostalgia
The nights are always the hardest The pressing silence
The utter lack of distraction
Nothing to defend myself against the siege
I become surrounded My weapons are useless
Devastation hails down
But over the years I have learned how to endure
How to lick my wounds How to suffer gracefully
I know a day will come that the opportunity will present itself to me
When you will be here again
I will not kneel to cowardice then
I will remember this pain
I will use it to make the right decision