Reconnected

As I'm writing this my throat is burning
It's been concerning
But worry is the reason that I struggle as person
In a hurry I've been leaving just to lay awake
For certain there's damage to my nerves
I've grown accustomed to it hurting
I don't think I ever came to terms with my fathers passing
And now the car I drive is close to crashing
Wake up in the night gasping
Is he here with me?
Or do I just appear be
Relaxed cause I'm laughing like its going out of fashion

Though I do that to hide from the truth
Because If everything is funny it reminds me of youth
Something that I'll never feel again
Maybe that's the reason I can't heal and mend
I'm piecing things together with the hope that it doesn't end
Cause I experienced death
And lately that's why I've been terrified of wasting my breath
Man that psilocybin ain't a joke
Lived a couple life times
Until it all went up in smoke
It opened up my eyes just to drag my lows
Down to the depths of hell
And finally I found a woman who could treat me well
The others offered something but they couldn't reach the peak and fell
Because sex is all I cared for
I'll handle the bid
Fourteen years old
I took off my lid
Scrambled my brain
And did what I did
Yeah she took advantage
Went from a kid
To some scared form
Whose vision grew impaired
Torn from lover to lover
By the time they really trusted Me
It's on to another
But now the woman that I call a home is rearranging all that
Every single ex could call and wouldn't get a call back
I'm known to jump and fall flat
But now I really land on my feet
There's a world that I want us to meet
It's gonna take time
Correcting the damage that we've ingested
I thought I'd never break free
But now I stand corrected
The guilt and thoughts of suicide
Were hidden and protected
Until I came to find that me and life were friends that reconnected in the best way
I don't care for what the stress say