I'm Straight

I'm not gay. There I said it
But If I was, it'd be okay
I just can't help that I like women
In the most heterosexual way
I'm not even bi, I just love to buy things
I'm not pan, but I love to cook
I promise that I'm being myself
I'm just not gay

And when it comes to closets
I have no reason to be out
I mean, look at my extensive wardrobe
Who could ever doubt

That I've got cufflinks and polos a plenty
I've got sweaters to tie around my neck
You want patterned socks? I got twenty... drawers
Twenty drawers full

Some people think I'm a little fruity
Could it be my floral-patterend suity?
Oh

Shout out to all my straight guys out there, can I get a sup, dude?

Crickets

Oh, that's right, this is musical theater
Shout to all the girls, gays, and theys out there
Can I get a woo woo?

Woo

Just because I pluck my eyebrows
Just because I wear sunscreen
Just because I shave my hypognathous
And I have a 12-step skincare routine
Yes I am trimmin' and yes I like women
Next to her you have to compete

And you're the only one who makes my outfits complete
Haha, thanks, babe

Is it because we're always together
And I haven't given her a ring?
Well, what's more like a heterosexual man
Than being noncommital about everything?

Just because I'm neat and tidy
Even though I primp and preen
Doesn't mean I'm not a masculine, heterosexual machine

Maybe the world sees me in a certain light
Let them see what they wanna see
I'm not afraid to express myself
I decide who I want to be

What does it matter?
All of their chatter
It makes no difference to me

I'm glad I got this off my plate
There's no one else that I would rather date
I never meant to be queer bait

Not trying to be deceiving
Just aesthetically pleasing
I mean look at me
I'm straight