Reassuring News

I visited the surgery in search of good advice
I sat down with the doctor and resolved to be precise
"Now take your time," he said, "and tell me what this is about."
"I must confess, I feel a fraud!" was how I started out

I carried on, outlining all my innermost concerns
I talked of my affliction's now diminishing returns
"The bottom line," I said, "is that I think I always knew
I'm utterly unqualified to write the songs I do

When I compare myself to all the masters of the art
The Cowards and the Porters and the Gershwins for a start
You'll understand my anguish as deep down I am aware
That when it comes to elegance, I simply don't compare

I've never found my way around those dreaded semibreves
I'm not, despite appearances, what everyone believes!
Put simply and convincingly, I know with every chord
I feel, to put it mildly, an unreconstructed fraud!"

He pondered my condition in the way that doctors do
And then replied, "I have some reassuring news for you!
I moonlight here to help them prune a truly mammoth list
I'm totally unqualified, but make a decent fist!

So you may say it's me that's taking people for a ride
I just come in at weekends for a few quid on the side!
You're only seeing me as you were next on the conveyor
Five days out of seven, I'm a Quantity Surveyor!"

"That's wonderful!" I blurted out, "I really couldn't tell!
I'm so relieved, discovering that you're a fraud as well!"
Some may think my acclamation overly excessive
But how he'd made the whole thing work was wickedly impressive!

I left the clinic on a high and feeling so much better
Carrying his all-important final sign-off letter
Plus, of course a monogrammed polite but firm reminder
I owed this guy a hundred pounds. The man had played a blinder!