Addiction

I get this heat in my head
And my ambitions go to bed

The heat creates a fog
That blurs up eyes
Inhibiting me from seeing
The change in my size
From a tall, fit man
To a tiny, fat ant

Can't look myself in the mirror
For fear I might see clearer
The disgusting person I've become
I think that every time I cum

The watering in my mouth
The wideness of my eyes
And their refusal to blink
For if I did I would start to think

About how I want to
Stop!

But I
Can't fucking
Stop

My body keeps me in this moment
By shutting off my brain
I've been here so many times
Each one pretty much the same
But I'm
Not any
Closer

I want to
Stop!

Why can't
I
Stop?

I keep making plans and promises
To try and better myself
Saying this time is the last time
But they never seem to help

I want to
Stop
Oh God
Please let
Me stop

I have a problem
My parents had it
And so do I
And I can say that I don't
But that would be a lie
It's nothing to be ashamed of
It's a disease
Just gotta get a handle on this
Fucking fucked up reward system in my brain!

Please