Sober Thoughts Freestyle

Like, I had clients who were so depressed
They literally couldn't get out of bed
So what's their first step? It's like
Can you sit up once today?
"No"
Can you prop yourself up on your elbows once today?

Music therapy sessions, I've found my way of expression
Depression's settled in, listen at your discretion
Been tryna murder my ego but been in need of a weapon
Push the pen to the paper in hopes to leave an impression
A message that'll please me
I try to stay an open book
But don't want you to read me
'Cause if I open up a passage where I let you see me
You'll learn I'm spineless with how I overthink everything
Wish I could slice this chapter out and start again
Carve a new narrative and erase my regrets
But that's a double edged blade, if I choose to follow through with it
I'll cut away the pain that once pushed me to the music biz
I'd never battle through the fight for my life
Or find the light that graced me and lead me straight to the mic
I always tell my loved ones "trauma heals, just give it time"
Let's pray that one day I'll learn to take my own advice

That's wake up call
Friends alarmed, I've been asleep too much
"I'll call you tomorrow"
Tomorrow never comes when your head is stuck in yesterday
And as it fades away, another day that I don't wanna stay awake
Life's backfired, I'm exhausted
Redirected so much energy, I'm hurt regardless
A man who's pushed for so much love that now he's feeling heartless
Nothing but a space that's replaced where his heart lived
It's the sober thoughts that hit the hardest
A painting so vivid, I think it's time you knew the artist
Behind the canvas, he's a lost soul, that's all he is
Pressuring himself against his art and now he's fallen in
The paint's still wet
I reference colours when say I made this all from regrets
Although my primary focus has been on saving the fam
To see it start to break apart has made me start to question who I am
I thought I had it figured out, guess I got more to learn
Helped direct so many others, forgot to take my turn
Reached a fork in the road that's lead to life or death
This mindset is a place I swore to never find again
Someone attacks my manhood and calls it tongue and cheek
What's more negativity when you've fallen this deep?
Self appointed GOAT's, heard the track
I pray that one day
We can have a chat because this back and forth is C Grade
At best, I'll always wish you success
It's not me being a bitch, but it's an honest attempt
To address I still support, I know those lines were in jest
They just weighed me down, but now I've pushed to speak from my chest

All I seek in life is purity
I'm man enough to admit that I have lacked maturity
These last few months have hooked me and lured me
To lose my perception and on reflection I see two of me
Felt as lost as a needle in a bed of sand
Waves of loneliness surrounded me and swept me off of land
But from the waves came a beautiful shell
That gave me passion in my life again and brought me some help
Now the picture that I'm painting's more vibrant
Still carry dark tones, but won't stay in silence
Yeah, the Shell I had has slipped from my hands
But whilst the moment has passed, I now strive to be a better man

You scale back the dragon
Until you find one that's conquerable that moves you forward
There's a Rubric for life
Scale back the dragons, until you find one conquerable
Then it will give you a little bit of gold