Decisions

Hey Siri, turn my brightness all the way up
Ok this is as bright as it gets
I tried to leave the past in the past
Took a bat to all the the memories
That were holding me back
Some things will never change
Evolution doesn't matter
My decisions have created
Inescapable patterns
New life, new me
An insightful career
Thought it'd been so long
I had nothing to fear
Placed on a list
Where true monsters exist
Now I wanna make a difference
Then I'll have to convince
They can't see
ADHD
Put no effort into understanding
People like me
Didn't know what was the problem
So I lived in a mess
Overwhelmed my inability
To deal with the stress
Confused by incessant thoughts
Barraging my head
Unaware my ignorance of it
Would leave me condemned
Medicated myself
Without the Knowledge to see
That it would steal from me
The right to medication I need
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend
I thought that forgiveness
Was the only necessary tool
My subconscious wouldn't let me
Just forget the abuse
The rage put me in gear
And took me for a drive
It wasn't long until I realized
The reasons why
See her decisions had created inescapable patterns
She had done more damage
Than she could ever imagine
Seemed to think my obligation
Was to forfeit myself
To keep her cozy
As she floats along
Creating her hell
Thought time healed all wounds
It doesn't
Not without a valiant
Effort to smother
Sometimes it entombs us
In our years of decisions
Choking on the fumes
Attempting useless revisions
Life is a balance
Of acceptance and determination
Sometimes we can make it better
If we're brazen
Other times we're stuck with
What we created
Or we run out of gas
Not having what it takes to face it
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend
I can never go back
And change the outcome
Someday maybe I'll prove myself
Look back and wonder how come
I ran out of fight
Kept on hiding from the light
But for now
I wanna sit with what I have
It's alright
I used to wanna be an inspiration
Saw the world as something
That was needing to be saving
It don't matter what I do
I could never be perfect
Maybe this is just the program
Maybe it's workin
Maybe we're all meant
To be what we be
Workin hard and givin up
Is all just part of the scene
We're just dust
And back to dust
Is where we'll return
Maybe this is just the
Shadow work that's
Part of the journey
I'm just accepting
Where I'm at
Where my past led
Tryna live in the moment
Let go of back when
Loosen up on the reigns of the future
Let it take me where it takes me
Instead of tryna maneuver
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend
A lot can happen in a year
Life ain't fair my friend
Life ain't fair my friend