This Endless Midsummer

Another night in Seattle
In this endless midsummer
Kinda drunk near UW
She'll feign interest while
She thinks of her sister
Out there somewhere
On the Oregon coastline
Been such a long time
The last text was a double with no reply
But there's fish to fry
Fly fishing by the lakeside cabin
Fireside deep talks with friends
Who are going through the real tough times
So who are you to think
You are entitled to a quarterlife crisis
She tells the mirror inside
Between her seventh glass of wine

Nightmares
Of falling asleep
And then waking up at happy hour
Age 23
Where all the people she sees
Look like they work for McKinsey
She would slaughter some kid's pony
If she knew it'd make her feel less empty
And isn't this just a wonderful city?
The shades of green otherworldly
And is her sister alive?
But just prefers to be lonely?
She wants to drive to the ocean
And cut her forearms wide open
Just to witness some crimson
Color the landscape she broke in

Is there a hotel room somewhere
With a view of the street and a record player
Where for a night with a debonair stranger
She could play the lead in the favorite
Romantic movie
Of a lonely girl in an American city
Steeped in nostalgic melancholy
But at least there's meaning
At least she could feel something
And she wants to be
Swept off her feet
In a way that she's come to believe is imaginary
Since the age of seventeen
Now those direct deposits
Her meaningless wallet
Frequent flights to Hawaii
And frightening nervous breakdowns on the beach
Cause what is it she wanted?
This ennui has followed her
Leave it alone, leave me alone
Leave me alone
I'm lost and broken
I'm in a coma
I gotta get out of this life
I'm gonna wake up and I'll find
That there are unseen colors beyond the spectrum
There has to be cause I'm closing in on
Knowing what pain is
Singular
Sharpened blade goes into abdomen
Fuck me, this is real
God it's beautiful, it's beautiful
It's beautiful, it's beautiful