Day One Anxiety

And as of late, I feel I'm barely functioning
A tiresome existence, forever scared of something

Desperately clutching to things I find comforting
A temporary fix from this suffering

Wondering, what mum would think
I know she wanted more from this son of his

That crushing weight I've lived under it
Slumbering to lullabies of 'please don't become him'

The sufferance of father, inheritance of son
A childhood bully, hereditary grudge

Aggressive was the hug, cynical the laughing
Drowning in a gene pool of shark fins

Clasping the life from my arms
But the pressure that's applied from own palms

Anxieties is a dance in a crowd of harassment

One step missed I could die from embarrassment

You were there at my birthday
And every one since
Celebrated my worst days
With a petulant grin
You were there on my born day
And each one after
Revelled in my first cry
Misleading my father

I'm so reliant on my Ill
For reasons I am standing still
Please save me
From a life confined by fear and safety

I'm so reliant on my Ill
For now I'm trying not to feel
Don't tempt me
This creature can not take from what's empty

The perpetual buzz of unease is exhausting
Life under the threat of a sword swing

Causing tremors in my chest then the panic starts
Veins simmer to a paste and my teeth might avalanche

Am I the sum of worn belts and rusted cogs
Always clogged with the feeling something's wrong

Then I'm up and gone, I disassociate
It's easier to hold things that pose no weight

Told to take pills, morph to a passenger
Contort to a supporting character

In the gallows, harrowed by the measurement of you
This boulder on my shoulder, a pebble in your shoe

Anxiety my greatest foe an old friend
A shield, a hatch, closed in

Since the very first dawn of my memory
I've been running from a monster I have never seen

You were there at my birthday
And every one since
Celebrated my worst days
With a petulant grin
You were there on my born day
And each one after
Revelled in my first cry
Misleading my father

I'm so reliant on my Ill
For reasons I am standing still
Please save me
From a life confined by fear and safety

I'm so reliant on my Ill
For now I'm trying not to feel
Don't tempt me
This creature can not take from what's empty