Flat White
Now, I am a Kiwi. I'm sure you'll agree we
Are placid and easy-going folks
I moved to in Chicago about three years ago
And can be the butt of your jokes
I don't so much mind them but you are unkind when
You ask if I've romanced a sheep
You say to this alien, "You must be Australian!"
Well no, my accent's not that cheap
"And do you know Lorde? Flight of the Conchords?"
Well I know them, but not the reverse
And mentioning Tolkien should make me start hulkin'
But no, I willl utter no curse
These microaggressions are quite a bit less than
What irks me and turns my hair grey
But there is just one thing you might think a dumb thing
Which every New Zealander has to relay
Why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
It's rather basic coffee; it should not be such a fight
It shouldn't be so difficult to get my caffeine fix
But as for the flat white: there's nix
Why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
The general coffee culture is a most perverted blight
Chicago's a cold city and I do like to warm up
But not if there's rubbish in my cup
You start with a mug or a takeaway cup of just 240mL
(That translates to eight ounces if you use that system still.)
Add two shots of espresso and you top it up with milk
No foam or cream. This process should be smooth as bloody silk
Yet why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
Just let me... come on... look, I'll do it... Hey! I meant no slight
Against your hipster fair trade ethical artisanal cafe'
Just let me do it my way
You meet a lovely girl on Tinder or a lass on OKC
The conversation's sparkling, she's as pretty as can be
You ask her on a date, she answers, "We can meet at Starbucks!"
Delete her now, it should be clear that she does not give a crap
Oh why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
I'll even bloody tip well if you guys can get it right!
(Or you could just institute decent minimum wage laws.)
Forgive me if I'm sounding trite but will somebody hear my plight
And gain a fraction of insight in how to make my ray of light?
Ban the scourge and parasite of Dunkin' Donuts, all that shite
And have the US expedite my blessed constitutional right!
Now for you I will recite the 28th Amendment to the Constitution
"Everyone in the United States is entitled to
Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness
And a decent flat white!"
Are placid and easy-going folks
I moved to in Chicago about three years ago
And can be the butt of your jokes
I don't so much mind them but you are unkind when
You ask if I've romanced a sheep
You say to this alien, "You must be Australian!"
Well no, my accent's not that cheap
"And do you know Lorde? Flight of the Conchords?"
Well I know them, but not the reverse
And mentioning Tolkien should make me start hulkin'
But no, I willl utter no curse
These microaggressions are quite a bit less than
What irks me and turns my hair grey
But there is just one thing you might think a dumb thing
Which every New Zealander has to relay
Why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
It's rather basic coffee; it should not be such a fight
It shouldn't be so difficult to get my caffeine fix
But as for the flat white: there's nix
Why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
The general coffee culture is a most perverted blight
Chicago's a cold city and I do like to warm up
But not if there's rubbish in my cup
You start with a mug or a takeaway cup of just 240mL
(That translates to eight ounces if you use that system still.)
Add two shots of espresso and you top it up with milk
No foam or cream. This process should be smooth as bloody silk
Yet why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
Just let me... come on... look, I'll do it... Hey! I meant no slight
Against your hipster fair trade ethical artisanal cafe'
Just let me do it my way
You meet a lovely girl on Tinder or a lass on OKC
The conversation's sparkling, she's as pretty as can be
You ask her on a date, she answers, "We can meet at Starbucks!"
Delete her now, it should be clear that she does not give a crap
Oh why can't the Yanks make a decent flat white?
I'll even bloody tip well if you guys can get it right!
(Or you could just institute decent minimum wage laws.)
Forgive me if I'm sounding trite but will somebody hear my plight
And gain a fraction of insight in how to make my ray of light?
Ban the scourge and parasite of Dunkin' Donuts, all that shite
And have the US expedite my blessed constitutional right!
Now for you I will recite the 28th Amendment to the Constitution
"Everyone in the United States is entitled to
Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness
And a decent flat white!"
Credits
Writer(s): Robert Thomas Ellis
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com
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