Break Down

At the age of 14
I started writing rhymes
That's when I decided it was time
To use it as an outlet
I was goin'
Through some stuff
From relationships
Not big enough
To mental abuse
Overflowin' my cup
I didn't know how to express my mess
So I started to write down
What was in my head
I started to work
On my first album
No beats
Just rhymes
My head was crowded
I like to reminisce about dudes
I listened to
And still do
I listen to rap like Tobymac
And then I go and elevate to Lecrae
Tobymac's Irean was the first real rap
That I can relate with that
Yeah...
I remember the days
Just chillin
Listenin' to music
Forgetting about life
And all the bruises
But it didn't last long
It was just a temporary song
I had to fall back
Into His arms
I
Wasn't sure
If I was ever gonna get right in my mind
I didn't know how to cope
I never tried drugs
I barely drank
Spiritually, I was running
An empty tank
God was still trying to keep me holy
When I was still tryin to do those things
Everything came
In my way
I got invited to parties
But I couldn't stay
Cus they arrested somebody
But what else can I say?
There was one day
When everything finally changed...
And no way
I'm goin' back to my old days
You showed me
Brighter days
You stay in the fight
You're right by my side
When you're never the same
I decided to change
Influence of the King
I was always different
I gotta embrace those days
I gotta chase those ways
I gotta win the race
And keep on fighting
Never give up those days
What am I trying to say?
I never felt right
About smoking' weed
Even just to take the edge off
People say it's okay
Even in my family
I won't condemn or judge
But just don't ask me
How many times do I gotta say
I'm different then most
I gotta find new ways to cope
I was lost for most of my life
Even though I was tryin to find
Who I am in Christ
Life knocked me down
I was only 6
When these walls were starting to build around
My own mind
I was fragile and broken
When my sister died
I was still hopeful
But a couple years later
On Christmas Day
My brother died
And I was never the same
I resented God
But that was not the way
And if you're hearin this
Maybe you're going through the same thing
Trust in God and he'll get it right
On his time
All you're doin is just building a crown
So what can I say now?
My ways are changed now
When this is my break down...