Fear

My main purpose painfully nervous now I am scared
People playing with my nerves its hurts as I began to wear
I'm always trinna internalize, maybe that's why my insides divide
I only mess it up when I try my best
Why am I the one who messed up your life?
Old emotions old notions old thoughts
Cold and frozen were all the talks
Sitting at the table wasn't stable
Hands were shaking wasn't able
To defend something that I never claim
I always wondered what you were trinna gain?

I think about if he's proud of me
Or proud the way I been acting maybe he looks down at me
I admit I'm cowardly I'm only brave when I begin to write
What will I say when I fail my wife
God I pray you hold me tonight
I scared I'm the only one is going up against my own life
I'm scared I'll turn away from God and be dependent on my sight
But God I know you are God
God I know that I am yours
I pray tonight that I never stop
Until I die and you bring me home

Throat starts to squeeze
Will I call on fear again
For another favor
Will I stand in front of the master
As just another traitor
So many things to factor
Before I go to meet my maker

I cannot begin to fathom
What awaits on the other side
Is still inside my mind
Has the battle just begun
How long until the day I find
Out the this wars been won
I feel like fear is still inside!

I know this life is hard
And having fear is understandable
But I have to put my trust
Bring me through this life
Even though this life is not easy
I cannot rob God of his glory
And use it to please me

What happened to the joy and laughter
Why do I destroy what matters
Why is it that pain always has to be more of a factor
I am a rapper
The before and the after
The first and the latter
I am a product of my own disaster
Will I ever move on from this chapter?

Hold up hold up wait a minute - slow it down
I need take a breath take a sec to calm it down
Is this hurt or is it passion?
Honesty probably both
I have passion to get past this because I know wanna grow
The cost of it is sorrow but God I know your next to me
I was told that you thought i used you
I promise it's not true
I promise i thought you
Were okay I guess i just thought you

And I were in sync but I guess my assumptions brought you
To a place that was not intended so I'm sorry that it cost you
Fear is now in my mind
I feel like I am now fighting blind
Why am I always the guy
Who triples his problems and cripples his eyes
My problem lies within my words
Sin I will fight until die and my casket closes into buried dirt
I pray my life honored Christ and I learn how not to carry hurt
I just pray my life honored Christ and I learn how not to carry hurt

God please take the fear away
Or please take my life today
God please I know I'm in pain
I pray you see beyond my mistake
I know I am the least of these
Please cleanse me from my misdeeds
I know You know all of my needs

I cannot begin to fathom
What awaits on the other side
Maybe because apart of fear
Is still inside my mind
Has the battle just begun
How long until the day I find
Out the this wars been won
I feel like fear is still inside!

And having fear is understandable
But I have to put my trust
In God and understand that he'll
Bring me through this life
Even though this life is not easy
I cannot rob God of his glory
And use it to please me

What happened to the joy and laughter
Why is it that pain always has to be more of a factor
I am a rapper
Trying to factor
The before and the after
The first and the latter
Am I a product of my own disaster
Will ever move on from this chapter?
(AAH!)

Torment can be powerful I mean for instance
I have alotta fears - I really fear loneliness
Last year I was probably as lonely as lonely gets
I'm scared that one day I'll wake up without a life
And consequences will finally come back to bite
The fact is I am trying to learn to get past this I
Wanna settle down, marry, and live a happy life

Success is not final and fear is not fatality
The courage to continue is what counts in this reality