The Euphemism Song

I might give you a tinkle on the blower
I've been a little dicky down below
The runs, when first they came
Set everything aflame
I notice it each time I come to go
The floppy drive is simply out of order
Reluctantly refusing to deploy
If ever, Percy tries
To resolutely rise
It's not what we would call the real McCoy

I must give you a tinkle on the blower
The Spitfire isn't up to playing ball
Reliable for years
It nowadays appears
It doesn't feel like taking off at all
So, now I'm missing out on how's your father
I don't know if it's her, or if it's me
I can't tell you how many times I need to spend a penny
The old man is not the chap he used to be

I will give you a tinkle on the blower
My speed bumps have been flaring up again
I've coated them in creams
Unfortunately, it seems
I'm simply flushing smackers down the drain
The waterworks appear to be improving
The problems are around the three-piece suite
They're sometimes out of place
I keep a check in case
But never take a butcher's in the street

I'd best give you a tinkle on the blower
You're not the sort that ever seems to mind
The old Conquistador
Has grown a nasty sore
In fact, it might be two, that have combined
So, possibly you'll give me the once-over
Or maybe a full Monty, then we'll know
I'd rather know the score
Have I mentioned it before?
I feel a little dicky down below