Itch (intro)

I have an itch
I feel it every day
Every time I have the urge to scratch it
I fall to my knees, not to pray
It takes every ounce of blood in me not to let it out
To make the thoughts go away
To tell myself, "that ain't the route"
But it doesn't matter how much I scream that chant
There ain't no laughter nor smiles
When my self-esteem is the size of an ant
I try to take a breath, but it hurts so I pant
I tell myself lie after lie that I can, but I can't until I lose it
Until I can't take it no more
Until my bed is a prison and I'm stuck on the floor
Until my mind gives out and my body is sore
Until I surrender myself then open the drawer
That's when I pull my knife out
Go to the bathroom look in the mirror
No one on my line now
They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul but where's mine
What great man lies in the depths of his own hole
To lose sight of what's good
What's righteous
Not standing up to fight his own demons
Cut after cut, my mind is dead
My canvas is white then I paint it in red
I feel relief after every stroke
I stand there shattered as the tissues soke
Then look at my reflection void of hope
My stare is silent but begs me to stop
It screams, cries and yells for the blade to drop
I know what I do is wrong, but I can't help it
A part of me likes the pain
Ain't that unselfish
That's all I want to really feel: a feeling
One that wants to stay with me
One I can count on not leaving
One that can keep my heart from not beating
I flinch at "I love you" cause I don't love me
I can't tell him face-to-face that we are meant to be
We don't like each other and all we do is fight
So what's the point of staying together
When all we want is to be free
I want nothing but to feel normal
I beg for peace, but that ain't formal
Now I'm left here only being fed
With what is wrong and what is moral
Only to act out on impulse and craving
A parlous path to be paving
And at my darkest point
When all hope feels lost, I'm saying
"God, am I really worth saving?"
You have friends they say
You can be better
I think I am
Follow your shepherd
I'll pray
I'll pray for the headaches to stop
I'll pray for the feelings I forgot
I'll pray for the peace that is gone
I'll pray for my life to be long
I'll pray that God will help me
Though my faith is not as strong
I'll pray that my will is never dead
I'll pray that the cutting will soon end
I'll pray and pray and pray in my head
Over and over again and again and again
Till all the lights go off
And the show's over