Prayer

This is my prayer God I hope you hear me
Please help I'm on a tight rope I need healing
I'm feeling so high
I think I'm gon die at the rate that my heart's beating
I'm sorry that I've been acting so blind not going to mass meetings
To things I know have meaning
To things that help my being
Follow your Word
Be part of your herd
Examples of your teaching
What is it I am seeing in myself
What is it that is screaming in my shell
I hope it's not my soul
I only want it holy
Not E-V-I-L
At night I hear it yell
From heaven I think it fell
It says that it know me well
I don't want it bring it down to hell
Put it in a cell with all the fallen ones who never knelt
Douse it in flames
Let it know that you ain't playing games
Make it feel what I felt
Drown it underneath the seven seas
Lock it up
I'm pleading begging I am on my knees
Throw away the key
I say for your sake
Burn it or kill it
Whatever it takes
I ain't doing great
How long can I wait
I don't know I'm just down here in my pain
I'm waiting for the day to walk in my grave
Cause that's the only time I know if I'm saved yeah
I'm sorry for yelling
I know that need to be acting more reverent
I'm coming up with more revelations
That soon this might just be the end of it
I don't know about you but I think it's true
I'm turning a little less heaven-sent
I'm working hard to be a better man
I hope this is part of your master plan
I'm all gone Lord God
Feel like my soul torn out
Filled up with so much doubt
Losing sight of the one way route
Searching and learning my role is a scout
Goggles are blurry I'll figure this out
Think I need a minute but
Every time I think about it I find it's really hard to count
I can't brea- brea- break it down
Make it sound easy wow
Thinking how can I change my thoughts
And maybe think more literal
Breathing hasn't been the same yesterday
When I was happy for living another day
I'm on the wrong track but you know that
So why is it taking so long for me to find grace
You taught me patience
Even when I'm frustrated
I'm so angry second of the 5 stages
Yeah I'm stuck here locked up my cages
I can list all my problems in so many pages
I am always repeating mistakes
Wasting the time that I cannot replace
Tell me if I'm just another disgrace
I'm afraid of the days when I have to meet you face-to-face
I am scared of not protected by your light
Bearing this burden called life
This is my fight to beat
Who am I to be the one if anybody's gonna die it's me
I'm so crazy
And I'm use to it
It's been pretty hard lately to elude from it
All the scars that I'm getting are ludicrous
I've looking in my heart thinking who is this
I'm so tired of being under the dirt
It's hurts to think how much I do not have worth
It burns
The table will never ever stay still
It turns on me
I think I may be cursed
It may be worse
The devil is plotting to have me go against myself
I can tell by the way he lurks
By the way he works
By the way he smirks
By the way he wants me to go all berserk
He can take away my peace then lock it
Run away like a thief in my pockets
This is the snake who's tail I can't shake
Can you help and maybe just stop him
Pop him
Yeah I'm getting tired of this to be honest
I'm going in circles like Duck Duck Goose
Gonna go ahead and hit him with a truck truck vroom
Getting on my high horse cluck cluck cluck whoa
This may not be what you wanted
Or maybe it is then that's what you plotted
Doesn't matter I'm just tryna follow where my heart is
I just wanna go way back to where I started
When I was pure
So pure
Back when I wasn't so insecure
Before my depression was mentioned and raised up the tensions
I wasn't in need for a cure
Back when I never wanted any people in my head
They were not worthy for a tour
They were just shut right at the front door
This is my wish right down to my core
But I'm just a patient
Like everybody in this world this is my playpen
I cannot go inside even when it's all raining
Covered in sin guilt will always be my form of payment
I guess I can't say anything except amen