The Motions (Nice Guy)

If that's the case you can't really blame me for shit
Especially when its like
Cause again you're acting like I'm just not trying at all
When its like nigga I'm trying to the fullest
You know what I'm saying like its not like I'm
Its not like I don't give a fuck about her or anything
No nigga, I'm literally trying to my fullest to my fullest extent
And honestly I'm, I'm over the whole thing where its like
I'm the best she's ever had and whatever
Cause one I'm mean clearly I'm not

Physicality and quality time
Talk to me nice while I show you a good time
Overstimulated from communication
How you turning me on with simple motor functions
I couldn't tell you why I was pulling you crazy
I was craving closeness to the upmost degree
Vulnerable hoping they see, they feel me
Toxic nigga but I ain't even see it
I got chronic diagnostics and then some
Deep rooted, broken, heart syndrome
I used to be praying for a savior
When the person I really needed was the one in mirror
Scared of something I ain't truly have before
Real talk, real talk, barely told my story
I can't be a mentor for somebody's suffrage
Putting myself in situations, tuff
The more shit that I did it became unattainable
Looking, seeking, validate me externally
Flight or fighting but I low key be fawning
Jetpack, joyride, all the warnings I flew by
Used to satisfy others perspective of view
Its hard for me to deal with conflictment
Stressing from psychological contentions on a day to day basis
I try to go back to the basics
My frontal cortex and inflicted trauma got me sick
Mental illness isn't it, grew up ignored
Conditioned to never be heard, so I was willing to endure
I'm starting to see what you mean
I don't hate you I get you why you ran out of the scene
Do I deserve to be loved nigga

But I, and, and that doesn't mean I don't feel like I treated her
You know what I'm saying, the best way I could
Especially with her circumstances and that's not to put blame on her
Cause she legitimately has trauma and things like that
I, you know, did my best to take into consideration
Again, it was weird for me because I had to
Kinda limit and contain the love and emotions that I had for her

Fuck
Tired of being me, tired of faking me
Tirelessly losing stability
Seeing shit for what it is and not what I want to be
Not going back to the shit that done broke me
That's the only problem that imma keep running from
It's been hard to move on from the urge I succumbed to
Sometimes it takes some mistakes to do right
Writing my wrongs so I'll still have my rights
How the fuck I allowed this to happen
Miserably wanted affection
Did shit from within I remember when I wished I had help
Nowadays I got myself
Half masochist cause the pain gives me glory
Half sadist, what the fucks wrong with me
Now I avoid the bitches but they still love to come to me
Encapsulated while I'm drilling their pussy
Out of this cycle id like to call hell
Still much to learn in and out my shell