TTGAM (Talk to God About Me)

Words on the tip of my tongue, but I can't speak
Eyes shut tight, but I can't sleep
I still remember that afternoon so vividly
Brought to a conference to preach
But could hardly hear You speaking to me

Obsessive thoughts of that hotel window open
And fallin out and to my demise floatin
Woke me up from my nap again and again
Such real anxiety thought it wouldn't end

I've rarely ever been depressed
But had unwanted thoughts of ending it all
Overwhelming stress thought
It would be my downfall

Perfectionist personality
With some OCD tendencies
In an unhealthy work place
Yea, that's a bad recipe

You hear those stories of people who off themselves
And you wonder why they would
Until those claws grasp at your throat too
And you start to think you could

Got me asking questions like
What if I wasn't there to see my daughters grow
What if the only memories they had of me
Were mommy's stories of Joe

You know I made it out alive
But I'll never forget those moments
Learning the devil was real
And my greatest opponent

Trying to blind my eyes
So I couldn't see
I'm just glad I had a few people
Talking to God about me

Talk to God about me
Talk to God about me
Would you talk to God about me
The only request I have
Is that you would talk to God about me

But those desolate spaces
Made me, me
Somehow those desolate moments
Now make me free

Because now I know that
When I can't begin to hold myself
You still hold me

God, forgive all of my enemies
God, forgive all of my frien-emies
Forgive the men who could
Never accept me the ones who reject me
And the ones that neglect me

At the end of this project
I'm ok if you doubt me
I'm ok if you out me
I'm ok if you think that
Your life is better off without me

But one request I have
Would you talk to God about me

I'm ok if you doubt me
I'm ok if you out me
Im ok if you think that your
Life is better off without me
But one request I have is
That you talk to God about me
The only request I have is
That you talk to God about me

Pray for me

I didn't leave the church man
I'm still here
I wrote the previous poem so
I could stay in spite of all my fears

But I've seen a lot of folks my age dip man
And I'm missing my peers
I've heard stories from so many younger
Pastors that'll bring you to tears

I know you shouldn't throw the baby out
With the bath water
And the mishaps of the church can't be
Pinned on the Perfect Christ, Spirit and Father

And while acknowledging that truth still
It messes with me if I'm keepin' it real
It grieves me that because I've stayed
Some pastors may think that
I don't know how it feels

I've seen the worst things in my life
Through the local church
This hospital for broken people
Has gave me my life's greatest hurts

And many of her leaders
Did more damage than good
I wanted to forgive them
And for a while I didn't know if I could

But I've also seen the best things
Through this Broken Body
The one for which Christ
Had His Body bloodied
And though I'm not necessarily trying
To convince somebody
I still see the church's beauty
When the baptismal waters muddied

So for those who've been affected by wolves
In sheep's clothing
Who didn't stick around to see the story's closing
And who didn't stick around
To see the false Prophets exposing
I understand your anger and empathize
With your loathing

If you've shared the pains of your church
Experience and you feel like people
Doubt you
Or spoke up against injustice only
For a community to out you
And all of your faith friends moved on
As if their lives were better off without you
I just want you to know somebody
Still talks to God about you

If you've shared the pains of your church
Experience and you feel like people
Doubt you
Or spoke up against injustice only
For a community to out you
And all of your faith friends moved on
As if their lives were better off without you
I just want you to know that somebody
Still talks to God about you

Never forget somebody still
Talks to God about you

If you need somebody let me know

And to every young pastor
Whose ever left
I was almost in your shoes
And I'll never forget

Waking up in the night
In the cold sweats
Because of the pressure that came
With filling the pulpit

And to every youth pastor
Who was treated wrong
And made to feel like in the ministry
You would never belong

And it put you and your family
Through hell
And silenced your voice
With no story to tell

I just wanted to let you know
That I'll still talk to God about you

Did they doubt you
Did they out you
Did they act as if life
Was better off without you
I'm sure somebody still
Talks to God about you
Hit me up if you ever need somebody
To talk to God about you