Left Brain, Right Brain

Okay, um, we're moving right along here, um-
(Hello, patient 24602)
Sorry
Hello, how are-
(How are you feeling?)
Um, not great
(Has the treatment been working?)
Uh, I don't think so, no
(What are your remaining symptoms?)

I just, I-
I internalize my feelings a lot
I have trouble articulating how I'm feeling to other people
I feel like I just, I- (so basically, you're still a little bitch)
Yes, very mature of you, disembodied voice, way up there
(I was just joking, nigga)
Alright, you're not as safe in Wisconsin as you might think with that shit
(I'm not human, I can say whatever I want) alright, just, just, what?
Get to the point! What's wrong with me? Please, please!

(Your emotions and your logic are at war)
Okay
(Your creativity and your analysis are at war
And most simply, your left and right brain are at war)
My left and my-
(To fix the problem, we must separate them from each other) Sep-

(Splitting your neurological functions in five...)
Well, we book an appointment or something? (Four...)
(Three, two...) Dow- You don't just start counting down to
(One...) Major medical procedures
Uh- (This may hurt a bit)
I don't even know what it is! (Zero)
Just tell me what you're-

(Isolation complete
This is Bo's left brain - objective, logical, cold, analytical
Aware of patterns, aware of trends
He's efficient, and a prick
This is Bo's right brain - subjective, creative, sensory
Aware of feelings, aware of people
He's emotional, and an idiot)
That's your opinion, just- careful with opinions
(Okay boys, play nice)

I am the left brain, I am the left brain
I work really hard till my inevitable death brain
You got a job to do, you better do it right
And the right way is with the left brain's might

I like Oreos and pussy, yes! In that order!
And I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3, Woody!
I am the right brain (sha-na-na-na-na)
I have feelings (sha-na-na-na-na)
I'm a little all over the place
But I'm lustful, trustful and I'm looking for somebody to love
Or put my penis in!

Here comes a female, here comes a female
Puff your chest out, take your phone, and check your e-mail
Our evolutionary purpose is repopulate
So gather data now, and see if she's a possible mate

Holy fuck, I think she might be the one
There's something about her, I just can't describe it!
Tits
I am the Earth, she's the glorious Sun!
I want her to trust me and I just want her to-
How do I say this, sit on my face? Sit, sit on my face!

Alright, now, right brain, you're being insane
No, left brain, I'm just being alive
You should try it, you might like it

I worked hard to give him everything he cared about
You were worried 'bout the things that he was scared about
I'm calm and collected when you act wild
I am the adult, you are the child

You think you're the right one every time
You think you know everything, but you don't know anything at all
Half of his problems were s'posed to be mine
But you wanted everything, I hope that you're happy
'Cause he's sure not!

Well, according to my calculations
I'm sorry, let me run the numbers again, um, you're a pussy
Name-calling? Really? You're gonna just do name-calling?
I'm not calling names, alright? I'm just stating facts
And the fact is, you're a quivering pussy
I'm the pussy? Well, at least I don't play with toys still, okay?
Rubik's Cubes are not toys, they keep my spatial reasoning skills sharp!
Left brain plays with toys! Look at you, mister, you're a- toy player!

Well, at least I did my fuckin' job, alright?
I kept him working, I kept him productive!
You were supposed to look after him
You were supposed to keep him emotionally stable through all this
Now you're trying to blame me for how he's feeling, how he's feeling!
If he's feeling unhappy, it's because you failed him!
You did this to him, he hates you, I know he does!
He fuckin' hates you!

Right brain, look, I'm sorry, okay?
No, you're not!
Look, maybe there's something that we could do together
Together?
Take the best parts of both of us, put 'em together
I'm listening
It would let you let your feelings out, it would let me analyze
So you could man the themes, I'll man the form

It's something that George Carlin did
It's something that Steve Martin did
It's something special that we could both perform
Do you know what it is?
Juggling! We could juggle, and juggle our cares away!
It was- It was comedy, we could do comedy together

(Initiate reassembly)
Alright, le- right brain, look
We're gonna do comedy together, alright?
We gotta do comedy!
Alright, alright, left brain, I'll do comedy with you
Look, we can fix him like this

(Commencing reformation of the simple mind in five...) we're gonna make him happy again
I promise, alright?
Left brain! (Four...)
Left brain, I love you! (Three...)
(Two... one...) I know
(Experimentation complete)

Thank you very much
Thank you guys for coming, it's so nice, I-
I wanted to record the CD in Madison
'Cause this is always one of my favorite places to play
I played here last year, I don't know if some people came to that one
That's very nice, thanks for coming again, I appreciate it
Um, there's gonna be- y'know, there's little silences in the shows
I'm moving between pieces
Don't feel like you have to fill that silence
With laughter or applause

I don't want you leaving this show, saying, y'know
"My hands hurt from clapping", "My stomach hurts from laughing"
I just want you leaving this show, thinking
"Oh, well
And we're on our way"