The Ballad of Brian Kiely

Ahh
So seductive
Alright
You know this one goes out
To the man, the myth, the legend
Mr. Brian Kiely
Turn me up

Hey kids, sit down, let me spin you a tale
With narration and locations of a global scale
It's the everlasting ballad of this guy named Bri
With the moral of the story being swallow your pride
Page one, little baby in his mother's arms
Page two, womanizer with the looks and the charm
Now the Boss is living happy in his own little world
But pay attention to the story, it's about to unfurl

Kiely drops out of school to pursue his dreams
Now he's living on the streets at the age of sixteen
Living with enthusiasm busting out of the seams
And now it's time that we blow that excitement to smithereens
Now granted, Kiely's giving it the college try
But that's hard when you fail out of junior high
And it seems a sad ending to the story's implied
But don't you worry, cuz our hero's gonna get out alive

It's a quarter past 11 on the 4th of July
And Kiely's life is passing by him in the blink of an eye
When out of nowhere comes a figure in the shadows of night
Her pretty face illuminated by explodable light
Now from the looks of it, the pretty girl's been shedding a tear
So Mr. Kiely tells the girl to get on over here
He said "I'm stuck on you" and the meaning was clear
Cuz you could be his Matt Damon, he's your Greg Kinnear

So the days rolled by, and they turned into weeks
As the two became a pair of lovable geeks
And now our buddy's getting lucky as she's playing for keeps
And giving kisses every night before they falling asleep
So Mr. Kiely's got a Mrs. and they're always together
In his arms, that's where the girl wants to be forever
If she could, he'd let her, so now let's turn to
Page three, he's got everything he wanted

And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling, falling
And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling in love

And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling, falling
And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling in love

Page four, fast forward to the lows of life
Kiely's settled down, saddled with an angry wife
And the two of them were popping out a couple of kids
And the marriage getting rocky, life is hitting the skids
Now Kid Kiely's getting drunk and hitting casinos
Cuz the parents both white, but the baby's Latino
And now he's got violent tendencies
Pacino, Tarantino, Clint in Gran Torino, and blasting Childish Gambino

Then our hero took a chance and fell in love with a whore
And then she took all of his money and she walked out the door
So now our buddy's flat broke like Hostess cupcakes
Things are getting sad but Kiely's slow on the uptake
He takes all of his change and invests in Enron
That didn't go well and now he works at Chevron, Techron
He's going door to door with Teflon
Watching romantic comedies by Nora Ephron

Mr. Kiely's in the gutter where the story began
Begging for change on the street, collecting soda cans
He got a box called "home" and a newspapre blanket
Drinking day old beer with a french fry banquet
Now I told y'all Kiely's gonna get out alive
And that's true, see I promise that I never lie
So that's the story of the man, myth, legend, the Boss
Now play us out, Miss Amanda, signing off, I'm Hoss

And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling, falling
And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling in love

And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling, falling
And I fall, yes I fall
Yes we're falling in love

There you go
The ballad of Brian Kiely
So let's give a shoutout to Brian Hugh
You know the whole damn world so proud of you

That's it
That's all I gotta say on the matter