Letting Go

Exhausted already
I haven't even began with what I'm feeling
I don't even want to discuss this
How can I start healing?
Your absence hurts
But your presence is worse; my soul peeling
I'm drifting away into a location I can't even fathom
But this is where I must be
Move on from the damned phantom
I've always been so afraid
Easily manipulated and insecure with you
It's not all your fault
Your pain is and was completely valid
Over the course of ten tormenting
Years we've failed one another
Never being able to let ourselves
Know what we needed of each other
We're so similar, yet so different
Adapted from two ugly fucking worlds
Always putting the other down
Trying to see whose pain is worth spotlight
Truthfully we'll never know each
Other's grief and why we continue to fight

I don't hate you, I'm letting you go old friend
I am finished with making anymore amends
I could be wrong, but nothing will be the same in the end

You and I cope with this
Similarly and undoubtedly questionably
Our self destructive behavior
Sent us to a long blackened path
You always tried to steer me
From aversion and pain
I appreciate it, but I took you for granted
And I'm still so sad
We both apologized and recognized
Our selfishness and wrong doing
Though I don't think we've both truly let all the regret go
I'm so ashamed of revealing my
Vulnerabilities and weaknesses to you
Personally, I don't believe I've seen
Your true colors of distress and sorrow
I've always been so indignant
Mainly because of your own resentment
Remember the first sleepover?
Our first fight? Our first hug the next day?
I can hear your voice saying
Dude, why you make it sound that way?
Let the immaturity go, but I still find it bittersweet today

Reminiscing about middle and high school
On the phone for over two hours
Time hardly scared us
But then it did as we grew apart each year
Catching up, finding new goals and relationships
And in kicked the fear
Of never accomplishing
The aspiring dreams from writing to the premiere
The doubt won many battles
But never annihilated the rich atmosphere
No matter how many times
I told you my love had finally disappeared
I admit, you're right about
So many things, you are intelligent
I wasn't ever your responsibility
And I was so frustrated with your diligence
You do know me
But YOU DON'T KNOW ME
And it's difficult to accept
Took me a prolonged moment
To see how we change for better or worse
My better may just be the worse for you
But don't let it bottle and burst
Now, disgusted, and think
How it would be if our roles were to be reversed?

You'd never let it go!
If I had contacted anyone that meant so much to you!
I complied to befriend her
But cut her out when you fucking asked me to
Anxious, paranoid to upset you
I did what I was fucking told
You still jokingly brought it up
And it seemed you never let it fucking go!
Okay, no more cursing, hypocrite
I know you don't fucking like that
Being spoken to like someone
From the past who'd mistreated you so unfairly
My trust dissipated when
You reached out to my true love that night
I was betrayed, but eventually moved on
And I even fucking apologized
Yeah, I did, to make you feel better?
I don't even know anymore
Two years later
I fuck up so much and I build my trust once more
You've given me reasons not to anymore!
I asked nicely to stay out of this
For her, for you, for me!
Switch shoes; how the fuck would you feel?!

I don't hate you
I said what I had to on that Saturday night
I finally see that I'm worthy
And honestly, you don't deserve me
It doesn't matter how much you care
Regardless of who you are
You were a brother, a best friend
But people come and go in life
Thank you for those prudent words, I mean it
I am grateful
And don't like who I am
Only because you don't want to accept
This is where I need to be, to be better
It does ache and
That's the process, you've prepared me for this
I refuse to be condescended
Or filled with venom, and there is credit to be given
But not all, this for me!
I am doing this for me!
I love you, I always will, despite your fury
I'm ready to be happy
And I will never forget you
Even if there was more pain
Than happiness in these sustained chapters

Maybe I'll see you again

I don't hate you, I'm letting you go old friend
I am finished with making anymore amends
I could be wrong, but nothing will be the same in the end