What If I Am Sorry

I'm not saying that I'm sorry
I'm saying what if I was
Thinking maybe we'd of made it
If I showed a little more love
Thinking maybe I coulda done it
With a little more help from above
But I was caught in myself
Thought we'd fit forever like a glove
But you need a lot of attention
And I like being alone
Although I miss the sound of you
Coming in to make my house a home
And lately I can't even begin
To write a happy poem
I was talking to some noones
But it made me feel more alone
Whats messed up is I'm still happier
And less emotional and more stable
I guess I would have been back then
But I just wasn't able
I thought you were trying to kill me
But realized it was my hand on that cable
And I can't say that I'm sorry
My biggest fear is still ending up back with you
Cuz your Mom, she needs some help
And I think your realizing that it's true
I feel like God has a bigger plan for me
than I ever thought it would be
Like touring out of Cali
I kinda played in every sea
Its not that I don't like my home
I've just seen what it does to family
Maybe I'll head out east
My cousin out there sings
And I bet you didn't even know that
Or that I write poems that I read
But sometimes I still get trapped
In all the memories
And I can't foget
The walk to CVS
Or the plus sign
On the pregnancy test
How you took care of me when I was sick
And I used you untill there was nothing left
So I guess I really am sorry
But it won't do us any good
cuz you're the one that left me
But stayed to break me because you could
It's the deepest wound I have now
My deepest sense of loss
But it's also my biggest strength now
Because I fill it with a cross